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Monday, March 31, 2014

Flogging For Beginners (On Both Ends Of The Flogger): Video Instruction

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.






UPDATE:  Here is a video of me doing a full scene in November 2015.  You may find it educational. I'm nibbling, tickling, flogging, spanking, using my facial hair, and so forth.

From Papa Tony:

This is a tutorial that I recorded in 2014, and then posted on my personal site. It went wildly viral, all over the world.

It has been described as the first flogging video that teaches everything that you need to know, in a warm, affectionate style.  I have put 38 years of experience into this one-hour video.  It's what I have been teaching, one-on-one, continuously for decades.

The technical, how-to "Hard Skills" take up a small part of the video, and are covered fully.  The rest of it is "Soft Skills", meaning hard-earned wisdom from deep experience. In short, this is everything that you need to be POPULAR as a Flogging Top:

- How to "calibrate", so that every new playmate gets exactly what they want, whether they know it or not.

- How to "read" body-language from behind.

- How to be a wildly-creative player, even if you only have one toy.

- Style and performance skills, for those times when the crowd is watching.

- And much, much more.

Everyone that I have taught has gone onward to great acclaim and endless fun.

This tutorial is my affectionate gift to anyone who wants to learn from a mentor, but can't find one.

Too many gay men of my generation died of AIDS.  Two new generations have risen up, without experiencing kind, wise uncles to teach, bless and initiate them.  This video is a way of stepping into the gap.

If you are grateful, then please pass it along - We need to re-kindle the culture of mentoring that we lost when so many of us died!

Other articles, audio recordings, and videos can be found here.



This video was watched over 22,000 times in its first twelve months!  What a wonderful legacy.  My name on Fet is PapaTonyinSD, and my email is papatony @mac.com - I love to receive feedback!

Here is the link for the recommended "Mr. Thuddy" flogger, for beginners on a budget, and here is the review I wrote.


If you like this video, then please check out the more-advanced-level Tommy Tomcat follow-up, or Florentine Flogging, for Visual Learners, Plus Flame Whips and Poi!.



UPDATE, October 2015:



I have uploaded a video explaining my special, flexible grip in close-up detail.  This works equally well with singletail whips and the Tommy Tomcat.



From KinkyDruid:
This was an amazingly helpful video so I thank you for posting it here.

Admittedly it was a bit distressing to hear that I am a boring subject for flogging, thinking that I shouldn't make a fuss in public along with an inherent inclination to experience things very internally meant that I tend to only react when limits are being reached... I guess I will have to ask a top what he needs in regards to visual feedback from now on.

From PapaTonyinSD:
You'd be surprised how much feedback folks like you actually provide, during a scene. Muscle-tension, breathing patterns, and body language.

If I were to re-state the same point in a more-concise way, I'd say "DON'T REPRESS YOUR FEELINGS". Examples of what I mean:

- Clamping down on emotions

- Tensing every muscle, and staying that way

- "Butching it up" to impress the hyper-macho Top that you WON'T be broken, no matter what.

When I see these behaviors, it tells me that I'm going to be unable to discern when the bottom is reaching his or her limits. What you say about yourself does not match that. You sound like a fun playmate!

From KinkyDruid:
Thank you for your reply.
Two nights ago at a monthly play party here I received Violet Wand session and was able to discern each of the reactions you mentioned in myself and speaking to the operator he confirmed that they were what he was going on, so it seems you are correct (unsurprisingly). Thank you for helping me understand myself better.



Review from DrFrankenbeans:

So I've been hunting for a flogger that has good weight to it and isn't going to break my meager piggy bank. I'm pretty particular about what I like in my impact toys and tools. I'm really tall (6'8" in my favorite boots), so mass produced lightweight crap just looks and feels pathetic in my hand.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you! I accidentally stumbled across your videos while digging around looking for the perfect flogger. Your videos have really helped me. I've done a lot of sensation play in the past, but not much with floggers. Because I'm used to crops and horsewhips I always thought the floggers were too imprecise, but your clear detailed guidance has completely changed my view on them. And the way you treat your subs is absolutely wonderful. Thank you for expressing the importance of not only aftercare, but during-care as well.

Thanks again! :)



Review from Rob:

Papa Tony's Flogging 101 video is the best one I've seen short of a live session. So far the only live instructional flogging session I've been to was on Florentine style before Christmas. Being new to flogging, I just kept nodding my head.

Watching his 101 video and practicing a lot let me actually be a good top and left my girlfriend amazed at how well I did. She'd been flogged before but apparently never that well let alone by a first timer.



Review from Papa Tony's other slave:

Master,
That was really excellent.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I was jotting down comments while watching it, so here they are in a rather incoherent order.

1) You are a fucking fantastic speaker and teacher.  You have such a natural gift for articulation and clarity.  I don't think You paused and said, "uh", once during the whole video.  The lesson poured forth from You with amazing organization and clarity, a whole hour!  I would have had to practice for a week to give such a demonstration.  You really have quite a gift.  I remember that first night we met, I asked you if You were a teacher, because Your speaking style is just so good.


2) Your voice is a wonderful bass, and is so sexy.  I was hard at about minute 10, squeezing myself.  But, then I stopped that so that I could really listen.  Still, Your voice could make me cum.

3) I remember once You were flogging me and I said on a scale of 1 to 10 that one part of it was a 5 and one part was a 7.  You said, "interesting", but didn't elaborate.  From the video, You said that You don't want to go above a 7.  In retrospect, I know that I had no point of reference for my 5 and 7.  I thought that a 10 would be me crying out in pain and saying stop.  So, I think I exaggerated those numbers, and they were actually lower.

4) The flogging didn't look particularly violent, yet Bob was have quite a reaction.  Looks can be deceiving.

5) I liked the part where You placed a strong hand on Bob's face with the flogger and let him smell it.  Let's try that again.  You did that once with me, and I liked it, and it was hot watching You do it with Bob.

6) I'd like to do more flogging sessions with You.  You've already shown me that You know You have to take it easy with this novice, so I trust You.  The video also shows that one of Your cardinal rules is not to damage the bottom, but show him respect and love.

7) The part about the bottom being overjoyed with a flogging session and receiving acknowledgment from the crowd and friends resonated with me.  I do a lot of adventure sports on vacation, and that is very much part of the thrill.  For instance, doing a bungee jump that only half the guys have the balls to do.  Doing a rough rafting trip.  Doing river surfing (really a fucking blast).  Canyoning, Repelling, Alpine hiking, etc.  There is such a thrill in being able to say, "I did it!".  Haven't jumped out of a plane yet.  Need a big guy like You to throw me out.

8) The hand motions with the floggers look easy when You do it, but the novices were very awkward at it, so it is a hard skill.  Looked like one guy was in danger of hitting himself in the eye.  I said the word "pillow" before you even brought it out, thinking, this guy ought to practice on a pillow.

9) Please do not ever use that razor tipped one on me.  I would freak me the fuck out.

10) The discussion of landmines was very interesting.  I imagine the intense emotional release that occurs during a flogging scene could really heighten a bottom's sensitivity, break down some of his armor, and make setting off a landmine very easy.

11) I want to hold Bob while You flog him, so that I can caress him.  Don't know if this would be welcome by him.  His limbic responses set off a protective instinct in me that drives a desire to comfort him.

12) The ice water scene was mysterious.  I guess I have to experience this, as it didn't seem obvious why that would be exhilarating.  It must be that the skin is so sensitive after flogging.

13) There was LOTS of humor in the video.  I was laughing out loud at several points.

14) Again, huge difference between the Master's style and the guys You were teaching.  It's not easy, and they were lucky to have such patient and caring instruction from You.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Upcoming Events

The purpose of this listing is to provide a one-stop, unbiased and reasonably complete listing of events that would attract gay FetishMen in and around the San Diego area.  It is meant to be spread as widely as possible, so that folks inside and outside Facebook have free access.

Please follow the standard reference for events listings:


If you post your event, it will be sent out via email each week, after being edited for appropriateness and completeness.

======= NEWS YOU CAN USE=======

Be aware that FetishMenSanDiego is in the BEST shape that it has ever been.  We have new leaders coming up in our Tribe (and succeeding) like never before in San Diego's history. Things are changing fast. and entirely for the better. Things have been quieter than usual, due to shifting the ownership, duties and planning to the new team.

Things are about to get VERY fun, and very interesting, VERY quickly!


Aaron Duke's Bon Voyage Dinner. Our brother Aaron is heading off to his new career in Los Angeles. This is our chance to send him off with our love.



Scotty very expertly interviews Cylus Kohen 
at the Eagle on STUD night, Friday, March 21, 2014.




This is a placeholder image, waiting for the day when the ever-excellent Scott Smith can send us his glorious images of the best Hands-On Demo Night we've ever had, featuring Officer Wes teaching Electrical Play!









 ======= UPCOMING EVENTS=======


March 22-30, 2014: Los Angeles Leather Pride






Wednesday, April 2, 10PM: Puppy Night at the Eagle - Here are pics from March, and from a year ago.

From LeatherBoy Jon: Please come out and support this very worthy cause and our brother Jay Heimbach.

This will also be the first Eagle SD Puppy Night that my brother GladiatorDog Nikita will be able to attend. (YAY 21!) He would love to see you all there in support of The Imperial Court Toy Drive, Jay, and the pups here in San Diego.

pig boy richard is looking forward to being there for the AlphaPup's 1st Pup Play Nite at The Eagle !!!




April 5-6: Phoenix Pride, with the parade on SATURDAY, April 5th.





Saturday, May 10, 5-9PM: Eli's Saturday Night Variety Show at Numbers, 3811 Park Boulevard.

From Mr. San Diego Leather 2013 Eli:

Calling all the Bears, Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Imperial Court, Pups, FMSD, Club X, Leather, and any others I missed. Do you have talent and want to show it off. All those interested please private message me. Deadlines for all performers will be April 20.

Otherwise come out to see the variety of performers for one night and on one stage. We will have raffles throughout the night and half of the money will go to the Leather Foundation and the other half to Eli Correa's travel fund in order to send him off to IML in 2015. 

After the event ends you can stay for the Harness Event to enjoy great music and hot men.



Tuesday, May 13, 8PM-2AM, First Annual San Diego Bartenders Bash Fundraiser

The First Annual San Diego Bartenders Bash will be an annual celebration for all those that tend/work in a bar and for those bar flies that keep us happy.  Very Casual, PURPLE ATTIRE SUGGESTED !!!  Vendors with samples and giveaways TBA! Proceeds from the cover charge will be donated to charity.





May 17-18: Long Beach Pride, with the parade on SUNDAY May 18.

http://www.longbeachpride.com/




Saturday, May 17, 6 PM: International Mr. and Ms Olympus Leather 2014 Contest

Doors open at 5 PM

Los Angeles Ballroom on the second floor of the Hilton LAX on Century Blvd.

Approximately 12 men and women will compete for this International title. Each will present tantalizing fantasies on stage.

You can attend International Mr. and Ms Olympus Leather 2014 without missing Long Beach LGBT Pride Parade and Festival. The contest will be over in time to make it back to Long Beach for the late parties and the parade on Sunday morning.

Attached are International Mr. and Ms Olympus Leather 2014 log at 294px and photo of International Mr. Olympus Leather 2013 Praxxis and International Ms Olympus Leather 2014 robyn. robyn is lower case by design.




May 23-26: International Mr. Leather 2014 Contest in Chicago




May 30 & 31: Second Annual Family Reunion Weekend, featuring the return of the Flog Swarm, and a visit by the folks who run the Folsom Street fair, to be our honored guests for our HUGE Movie Night!





June 6-8: Los Angeles Pride, with the parade on SUNDAY, June 8.





June 12-14: FistFest West





June 13-15 - All Male Butchmanns Experience, Phoenix, AZ




Saturday, June 21, 6PM-Midnight: SoCal LeatherSIR, Leatherboy, Community Bootblack & Puppy Contest, at Queen Bee's Art & Cultural Center, 3925 Ohio St., San Diego, California 92104 (one block north of the Eagle)





June 28-29: San Francisco Pride, with the parade on SUNDAY, June 29.





July 11-13: Wet ’n Hot Weekend in Palm Springs. Over 500 sexy, attitude-free guys will descend upon an underground location in Palm Springs for a weekend filled with uninhibited pig play, brotherhood and fun. It’s the Biggest Piss Party on the Planet, and it’s unlike anything else that you’ve ever experienced




The 2013 Leather Contingent. 2014's will be MUCH bigger!

July 18-20: San Diego Pride, with the parade on SATURDAY, July 19, and the Leather Realm on Saturday and Sunday.





Sunday, July 27: Up Your Alley Street Fair in San Francisco





July 30-Aug 4: Lazy Bear Weekend in Guerneville, California





September 5-6: Las Vegas Pride, with the parade at NIGHT, from 7-10PM, on SATURDAY, Sep. 5.





Sunday, Sep 21: Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco





October 18-19: Bearquake in San Diego. BearQuake grew out of an idea of forming an alliance between the various clubs in Southern California and elsewhere. A "Bear Weekend" was planned where we could all get together and get to know each other. A contest was also held for Mr. So Cal Bear and Cub. The success of that first event opened the door to future gatherings which has become "BearQuake".





October 30 - November 2: Desert Leather Pride in Palm Springs

Note: This is a BIG CHANGE in the scheduling, since this usually happens on the SECOND weekend of the month  - Make a note of it!


Here are pics from last year:





Nov. 7-9: Palm Springs Gay Pride, with the parade on SUNDAY, Nov. 9




January 16-19, 2015: Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend

Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend is a three-day long party and event with participants that now number in the thousands. The heart of the weekend is the historic leather formal Saturday evening cocktail social, Leather Cocktails. Leather Cocktails is the weekend lynchpin gathering from which all other weekend events evolved.

The Weekend also includes official events organized by weekend hosts, Centaur MC that include a bustling Leather Exhibit Hall; Sunday brunch; Mr. MAL Contest and the official Sunday night closing party, REACTION. In addition, Weekend hosts provide hotel space for what has evolved into a huge leather-loving community and affinity annual reunion. Weekend participants may purchase a full weekend package that includes access to all events. Tickets to a few select events are sold separately.

http://www.leatherweekend.com

Uh-Oh - I Think We Have a Glitch!

From Papa Tony:

I have been posting various things on the blog in the last few days.  In THEORY, this should have caused the new email system to automatically send out email messages to FMSD followers with a link to the posted articles.

Even though I've entered several of my own email addresses into the new system, I have received NOTHING. This alarms me, and it's a big breakdown in the transition to the new method of keeping folks up-to-date.

If you have entered your email address into the new system, solved the puzzle that proves that you're not a robot, and have clicked on a link in a verification email, you SHOULD be good to go.

So, here is my request:

If you were alerted to the existence of this message in an email, please contact me at papatony @mac.com and let me know.  I really want to sandpaper the rough edges off of getting out the news, to make life easier for the men that follow behind me.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Aaron Duke's Bon Voyage Dinner


Thursday, April 3, 6PM:

Our brother Aaron is heading off to his new career in Los Angeles. It's sad to see him go, but it will be a wonderful move up in income and opportunity for him.

Rather than just have him pack up and disappear silently, leaving an Aaron-sized hole in our hearts, this will be your chance to let him know what he has meant to you so far in your life. He has made a huge impact in the time that he has been among us. It's time to tell him so, and provide some affectionate closure for him, and for us.

This isn't "goodbye", it's "Bon Voyage!"

Due to the limited seating, we will need an RSVP (mentioning the dinner, specifically) at SignMeUpForEvent @gmail.com - Thanks for your patience!


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Photos & Audio from "Handing Away the Car Keys" and Eriel's Whip Presentation

Handing Away the Car Keys

From Papa Tony:


Here is the audio from the topic, recorded on Wednesday March 19, 2014. My speech covers the past, present and future of FetishMenSanDiego.  I'm not going to write much about its content here, because the audio speaks for itself.

My intent was to create a historical, verbal record of what led me to:

- Create the group
- Invent the new paradigm
- Solve problems that seem obvious in retrospect, but were quite troublesome at the time, and
- Look for specific types of men to build the group for the future.

I also used this opportunity to reassure the guys that are taking over, that they don't have to do it like me, in order for the group to succeed. The structure of the group is solid, and the way going forward will involve very little actual work.


Eriel's Whip Ceremony

On Wednesday, March 19, 2014, after the Men's Discussion on the topic of "Handing away the Car keys", I asked our brother Eriel to step up to the center of the room with me. To really get a sense of what was said, and how, I strongly suggest that you check out the last portion of the audio recording, above this.









Wednesday, March 19, 2014

International Mr. and Ms Olympus Leather 2014 Contest

Saturday, May 17, 6 PM: International Mr. and Ms Olympus Leather 2014 Contest

Doors open at 5 PM

Los Angeles Ballroom on the second floor of the Hilton LAX on Century Blvd.

Approximately 12 men and women will compete for this International title. Each will present tantalizing fantasies on stage.

You can attend International Mr. and Ms Olympus Leather 2014 without missing Long Beach LGBT Pride Parade and Festival. The contest will be over in time to make it back to Long Beach for the late parties and the parade on Sunday morning.


International Ms Olympus Leather 2014 robyn, and
International Mr. Olympus Leather 2013 Praxxis

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Upcoming Events

The purpose of this listing is to provide a one-stop, unbiased and reasonably complete listing of events that would attract gay FetishMen in and around the San Diego area.  It is meant to be spread as widely as possible, so that folks inside and outside Facebook have free access.

Please follow the standard reference for events listings:


If you post your event, it will be sent out via email each week, after being edited for appropriateness and completeness.

======= NEWS YOU CAN USE=======


Review: SWITCHES Discussion, Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Here are the handsome men who raised money for charity 
last night at the Harness Party at Numbers Bar. 
From left: Keith, Eli, Aaron, Paulo and Jay.

Eli and Aaron started a wonderful new and very welcome tradition of gathering used gear and toys, and then offering them up for sale at the Harness Party, benefitting various local charities. It's a great way for the rest of our Tribe to add new gear at an excellent price. 

Now, more men are joining the team, and having fun while they do it! Contact Eli at eliseocorreaiii @yahoo.com if you have gear or toys that you aren't using any more, and would like to donate. 100% of the profits help local charities.

As you can easily guess from the flawless quality, the photo was by Scott Smith.




Photos from Puppy Night at the Eagle, March 5, 2014




From Papa Tony:
This last weekend, I participated in the Mankind Projects' New Warrior Training Adventure. I CANNOT praise it highly enough.

I found out that the work that I've been doing to create brotherhood, acceptance, mutual support and growth here in our wonderful little sub-sub-culture has been going on in a much better, more-focused way worldwide for decades. I'm thrilled that I have finally found it.
If you want to know more, please let me (or Magnum) know of your thoughts and questions. We absolutely support your ongoing growth and happiness!

http://mankindproject.org


 ======= UPCOMING EVENTS=======


Wednesday, March 19th, 7-9PM: FMSD Discussion.

From Papa Tony:

The topic will be "Handing Away the Car Keys", where I give away all remaining traces of control over FetishMenSanDiego, with love and honor to those who step into my place.  It's a glad time, and a great opportunity to shift things into new directions.  I’ve been a community leader for 33 years, and that’s plenty.  I can relax and be supportive of the wonderful men who are here to take my place, and in THEIR own way.

Address:  3090 Polk Ave, San Diego, CA 92104
Map




Friday, March 21: Friday Night Beat & Greet, downtown.

(Note from Tony:  Sometimes, a group of us meet at a rallying-point before this event, so that we can ride-share as brothers in a jolly way. Send an email to signmeup4event @gmail.com if you want to know more).




Friday, March 21 (third Friday, every other month), 10:30pm: STUD Night @ the Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. Featured guest will be Cylus Kohen.

https://www.google.com/search?q=Cylus+Kohen+porn&safe=off



March 22-30, 2014: Los Angeles Leather Pride




Wednesday, March 26, 7PM: Hands-On Demo Night.  Featuring Officer Wes, giving lessons on "Electrical Play", while other activities occur as well. You will need to send an RSVP email to signmeupforevent @gmail.com if you want to attend - we have limited space! 



Saturday, March 29th: Mr. San Diego Bear 2014 Contest

More details as they arrive.



Wednesday, April 2, 10PM: Puppy Night at the Eagle - Here are pics from March, and from a year ago.




April 5-6: Phoenix Pride, with the parade on SATURDAY, April 5th.





Saturday, May 10, 5-9PM: Eli's Saturday Night Variety Show at Numbers, 3811 Park Boulevard.

From Mr. San Diego Leather 2013 Eli:

Calling all the Bears, Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Imperial Court, Pups, FMSD, Club X, Leather, and any others I missed. Do you have talent and want to show it off. All those interested please private message me. Deadlines for all performers will be April 20.

Otherwise come out to see the variety of performers for one night and on one stage. We will have raffles throughout the night and half of the money will go to the Leather Foundation and the other half to Eli Correa's travel fund in order to send him off to IML in 2015. 

After the event ends you can stay for the Harness Event to enjoy great music and hot men.



Tuesday, May 13, 8PM-2AM, First Annual San Diego Bartenders Bash Fundraiser

The First Annual San Diego Bartenders Bash will be an annual celebration for all those that tend/work in a bar and for those bar flies that keep us happy.  Very Casual, PURPLE ATTIRE SUGGESTED !!!  Vendors with samples and giveaways TBA! Proceeds from the cover charge will be donated to charity.





May 17-18: Long Beach Pride, with the parade on SUNDAY May 18.





May 23-26: International Mr. Leather 2014 Contest in Chicago




May 30 & 31: Second Annual Family Reunion Weekend, featuring the return of the Flog Swarm, and a visit by the folks who run the Folsom Street fair, to be our honored guests for our HUGE Movie Night!





June 6-8: Los Angeles Pride, with the parade on SUNDAY, June 8.





June 12-14: FistFest West





June 13-15 - All Male Butchmanns Experience, Phoenix, AZ




Saturday, June 21, 6PM-Midnight: SoCal LeatherSIR, Leatherboy, Community Bootblack & Puppy Contest, at Queen Bee's Art & Cultural Center, 3925 Ohio St., San Diego, California 92104 (one block north of the Eagle)





June 28-29: San Francisco Pride, with the parade on SUNDAY, June 29.





July 11-13: Wet ’n Hot Weekend in Palm Springs. Over 500 sexy, attitude-free guys will descend upon an underground location in Palm Springs for a weekend filled with uninhibited pig play, brotherhood and fun. It’s the Biggest Piss Party on the Planet, and it’s unlike anything else that you’ve ever experienced




The 2013 Leather Contingent. 2014's will be MUCH bigger!

July 18-20: San Diego Pride, with the parade on SATURDAY, July 19, and the Leather Realm on Saturday and Sunday.





Sunday, July 27: Up Your Alley Street Fair in San Francisco





July 30-Aug 4: Lazy Bear Weekend in Guerneville, California





September 5-6: Las Vegas Pride, with the parade at NIGHT, from 7-10PM, on SATURDAY, Sep. 5.





Sunday, Sep 21: Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco





October 18-19: Bearquake in San Diego. BearQuake grew out of an idea of forming an alliance between the various clubs in Southern California and elsewhere. A "Bear Weekend" was planned where we could all get together and get to know each other. A contest was also held for Mr. So Cal Bear and Cub. The success of that first event opened the door to future gatherings which has become "BearQuake".





October 30 - November 2: Desert Leather Pride in Palm Springs

Note: This is a BIG CHANGE in the scheduling, since this usually happens on the SECOND weekend of the month  - Make a note of it!


Here are pics from last year:





Nov. 7-9: Palm Springs Gay Pride, with the parade on SUNDAY, Nov. 9




January 16-19, 2015: Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend

Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend is a three-day long party and event with participants that now number in the thousands. The heart of the weekend is the historic leather formal Saturday evening cocktail social, Leather Cocktails. Leather Cocktails is the weekend lynchpin gathering from which all other weekend events evolved.

The Weekend also includes official events organized by weekend hosts, Centaur MC that include a bustling Leather Exhibit Hall; Sunday brunch; Mr. MAL Contest and the official Sunday night closing party, REACTION. In addition, Weekend hosts provide hotel space for what has evolved into a huge leather-loving community and affinity annual reunion. Weekend participants may purchase a full weekend package that includes access to all events. Tickets to a few select events are sold separately.

http://www.leatherweekend.com