Thursday, May 16, 2013

"Welcome Home From IML, Kane" Party, May 31, 2013

Kane's IML Sendoff Party at the Pink Palace, April 28, 2013.


On Friday, May 31, 7-9PM, we will be gathering to welcome our brother Kane home from Chicago, after competing in the International Mr. Leather 2013 Contest. A good number of out-of-towners will be visiting for the weekend, and this is our kickoff event for the big Movie Night the following evening.

Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012 Kane has been a well-loved and active member of our community for years. He has grown as a leader and volunteer, is well-regarded in many cities. Let's show him how much we like to have him in our lives!  If he wins the title of International Mr. Leather 2013, then all the better!

This event will be followed by a trip to the Eagle, at 3040 North Park Way for general merriment.

Butch Cuffs for Sale Online

I've been sporting a series of wrist cuffs lately, 
and folks have been asking where they can find cuffs like mine.



For aluminum cuffs that you can get in a wide variety of styles and sizes, I recommend this site. I STRONGLY recommend measuring your wrist before ordering. These things don't expand or contract, so you don't want your cuff flopping around, or acting as a tourniquet.

Sterling Silver, or Malaysian Crocodile Forehead Piece from Tribal Son.

For a changing array of artful and sometimes one-of-a-kind cuffs, pendants and other bling that really work well on a masculine man, try Tribal Son.  A lot of their stuff doesn't show up on the Web site, so call them, or visit their booth at major events such as Folsom Street Fair, Dore Alley, Palm Springs Leather Pride, IML and others.


Don't be afraid of eBay. It's astonishing how many vendors make really fine wrist cuffs for the masculine male.  Search for "Men's Wrist Cuff" or "Men's Gauntlet" to see a lot of the usual crapola, with some real gems mixed in.


I'm particularly fond of the Freddie Matara selection.

"How to Be An Excellent Sir, and an Effective Top" Weekly Lecture Series

Recorded Audio of Talks So Far:

Part One: Intro: Virtues & Values vs. Being a Bad Top, Being a Man of the Community, The Four Phases of Training a Boy… Here is the chart that was made about Good Top/Bad Top adjectives.

Part Two: Non-Verbal And Verbal Communication, How To Have Sex With A Colt Model, Giving Permission, How To Have A Successful Three-Way Every Time, and much more. Here is the article about Life Magazine that I mentioned.

Part Three: San Diego's Supportive Culture/It Take a Village to Raise a Top, How to Deal With Unwelcome Attention Without Being a Jerk, Learning Social Graces, Extreme Intimacy… Here is the link for High Levels of Mental Health Among Kinky Folks.


Explanation

Photo by JayPG, may he rest in peace!

From: Papa Tony

Starting Wednesday, May 22, 2013, I will be teaching an ongoing series of lessons on the practical, philosophical and achievement-oriented aspects of becoming a respected, successful, wise and effective Top, Sir, Dominant, Daddy or Master for the rest of your life.

This course is recommended for Tops, bottoms and versatiles. It takes a village to develop higher-quality Tops to thrill a community, folks.

This weekly series will continue until the topic is exhausted, but it may take many months. I will be inviting fellow experienced Tops to come in and give their viewpoints as time goes by.

Cost: You have to pass along whatever you learn, without hesitation, when you have the chance to do so.

Every Wednesday, 7-9PM (and later if the need arises).


The first portion of each session will consist of the lecture, followed by questions, answers and general discussion. These sessions will be audio recorded for the most part, and links to the audio will be posted  on the top of the same page you are reading right now, so you might want to bookmark it. Some sessions will be partially video-recorded, so that the more visual lessons can be shared as well.





So, when is the big series on BOTTOMS going to show up?

Not sure - Here are my thoughts, coming from a highly-biased, long-time Top:

There aren't enough Tops to go around.  Particularly skilled ones.  Several obvious reasons spring to mind:

- A lot of us died. The wisest, heaviest players were the hardest hit, and died first. Huge amounts of wisdom went away with them. There are things I will be talking about in this series that NOBODY talks about any more - How to train a bottom to have multiple orgasms, or cum on command, or to have anal orgasms, as just a few examples off of the top of my head.

- The few guys who did survive tend to be permanently damaged, and won't come back and share what they know.  The supply of role-models is vanishingly small.  They have given all that they can during the bad years, and they are simply waiting out the clock in their suburban bomb-shelters. We can't wait for them any longer.

- Easily-accessible porn is fucking up our perspective, and making us fail. If you try what you see in a porn video, you're missing massive amounts of behind-the-scenes preparation, foreplay, seduction (gaining the bottom's trust), giggle-fests in the middle of play, cuddles and snoozes, limp dicks being injected with boner-enhancer, increasingly larger dildos being practiced with off-camera for hours beforehand, in order to prepare for the monster stunt cock, and a zillion other things.  All that you get is the fantasy, and it's NOT ENOUGH TO SUCCEED.  Porn is a shitty role-model.

Back in the days before the Internet, (I wish I had a reference to share with you), some guy did a statistical, scientific study. He found that a bottom/sub/boy/slave who wanted to be collared by a wise, experienced and respected Top had a FOUR PERCENT CHANCE of doing so.  I don't know that researcher's methodology, but I can't argue with his conclusion.

I am not willing to stand for it. I want to increase those odds any way that I can.  If we have cocky, happy, serenely competent Tops increasing in numbers everywhere in our Tribe, then there will be increasing numbers of thrilled and satisfied bottoms. Win-win-win-win-win-WIN.





So, what the hell gives me the right to teach such a topic?

Folks, I am NOT Mister Perfection.  There are men out there, somewhere, who undoubtedly know a lot more than I do on a particular topic. Urethral Sounds, for one example. I'm hopelessly ignorant and need to learn more about them.

However, I am glad to share what I know, and so far, those other guys haven't bothered to show up. I never stop wishing that they would.

I am a rare case.  I got into the heavy-player kink scene starting in 1977, and I'm NOT DEAD, like the majority of men that I played with so long ago.  I'm still around.

I grew up in a household and Catholic school environment that left me with pretty close to zero practical life skills by the age of eighteen, and I keenly felt the lack. So, as soon as I could, I found the kinky gay leathermen's crowd, and dove in head-first. Those fine, fun and debauched older men took me under their wing and gladly taught the tall, eager young Top some wonderful techniques, philosophies and viewpoints that have stood me in good stead for my entire adult life.

And, then they died.

So, it has been my karmic DUTY to teach others what I have learned. In the decades since I started out as a gay leatherman, I have never wasted a single opportunity to learn-learn-learn, every time that I have ever played with a man, and there have been a LOT of men that I have played with.  Multiple thousands.  No kidding, and not the slightest exaggeration.

My goal was to gain practical wisdom.

If you know me at all, you know that, if anything, I OVER-SHARE in my eagerness to help out my brothers.  Folks don't seem to mind too much, because I like to dispense coping-mechanisms and success-techniques for a sub-subculture that doesn't have many folks looking out for our specific needs.

These talks won't be perfect. I tend to ramble, wander, repeat myself, use too many words when a few words would have been better, and use illustrative stories to make a point, when a simple answer would be quicker. However, folks seem to like my extremely charismatic style just fine, for the most part.

I'm never, ever BORING, that's for sure!

Inexpensive, High-Quality Flogger Review

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.



UPDATE:  Here is an added review, for folks with shorter arms.



I teach a lot of folks about flogging, on both ends of the flogger.  I have found that the current economy makes it difficult for a new Flogging Top to build up his or her toy-bag.  When a good, dependable, quality flogger STARTS at $150, then it can be a stretch for somebody who doesn't yet have confidence in their abilities, but needs practice and some rave reviews of their personal style so that they can gain confidence.

This has bothered me for a while, because I want to see hundreds of Cocky Tops at our events, swaggering with a flogger at the hip, and thrilling the bottoms. I have loaned my own floggers out, and given away six floggers in the last nine months in an effort to encourage our newest, best Tops to practice, play and excite the boys.  This ain't a cheap habit, but I have considered it to be a fair trade, given that each man has gone on to gain greater status, visibility and confidence.

However, I'm getting less and less able to afford such a practice, no matter how noble the intent.



So, I started doing some research online.  While looking for used floggers on eBay, I saw an endless supply of crappy, flimsy, shoddily-constructed new floggers (usually made in China) that I wouldn't use for any reason.  They must be for show, because they simply don't have enough heft to get anybody's attention in any useful way. They also LOOK cheap as well.

I happened across a vendor that seemed to know what he was talking about (his write-ups on each flogger's page convey a sense of expertise on the topic), and he invited me to inspect his Web site.


I ordered several items from his inventory to see if less-expensive toys could match the effects of the more pricey floggers...


"Mr. Thuddy"


I received item #SL-06A, "Mr Thuddy", sold for for $45.  This one is my favorite.  Just the right weighting. If somebody wants to have just ONE flogger until more finances arrive, I can definitely recommend it. It has a nice weight, and can be used well very easily, even by beginners. The handle has a nice, grippy crosshatch pattern, and seems durable.

No, it's not as "polished" as the most-expensive floggers out there, but this isn't a status contest, it's a search for a practical, durable and affordable toy.



I DO recommend letting floggers that were purchased online sit outside in the fresh air when you first get them, though.  Floggers in stores spend a lot of time hanging on the wall, which allows the chemicals used in treating the leather to evaporate. My Mr. Thuddy arrived wrapped in plastic, which caused it to smell like Kiwi Shoe Polish until I aired it out in my back yard for a couple of days.



It is now nicely aromatic of leather, just as I prefer, when making my bottoms savor the effect.


I recently spent an entire evening using ONLY the new Mr. Thuddy flogger on nine men, ranging from shy newbies to Heavy Players.  I also handed it away to other experienced Tops for their evaluation. We all agreed that it was easily the equal of floggers that we have seen, costing between three and for times as much.
I started flogging in 1977, so I know many, many different styles of throwing a flogger. All of them worked well with this item.  I'm not sure how well it would work for someone with shorter arms than mine (I'm 6'5"), in which case, I can also recommend…




"The Enforcer II"



Item #HL-02A, The Enforcer II, sold for $39.95. It's a bit short for my tall-man body kinematics, but quite pleasant to use.  WELL worth the price. Good and thuddy. Nice for the price.



The only drawback is the loop design, which makes it harder to un-tangle.  You can't just run your fingers through it to de-tangle it. At that point, I MIGHT have kept handing it to the slave for complex, regular and manual two-handed detangling...



Instead, I just decided to cut each loop to become separate tails. It makes a VERY good "Mop Flogger," which is what I like to start beginners with. Very satisfying.  All thud, no sting, excellent weight.



"Red Whisper"



#FF-01 Red Whisper, $24.95. I just don't see the point.  Maybe it's an accessory for a Halloween costume, so that you can whack two year-olds to make them giggle?  It's less weighty than a Nerf Bat, which according to the Urban Dictionary, is "a soft, foam-rubber bat... Notoriously better at wounding the victim's pride than causing actual injury."

It's not going to get much use by me. The whole POINT of a flogger is to activate the Fight or Flight response, thereby triggering the release of endorphins.  I suppose that the Red Whisper COULD be used as a gentle, "tickling" alternate stimulus in between harder floggings with other toys.

But, that's what I have facial hair for.  Perhaps that is why I plan to give this one away. My toy-bag isn't big enough to include this flogger.




I will be ordering more toys from this vendor as time goes by.  In particular, I have my eye on the heavier ones.  The purpose of this particular shopping-trip was to evaluate on behalf of the new Tops in my local Tribe who 1. are on a budget and 2. need to become more proficient during our regular "Hands-On Demos". They already have dedicated coach (my well-trained buddies and me), and an opportunity to practice-practice-practice in a safe, welcoming environment for beginners.

Now, they have a place where they can get very good quality, yet inexpensive floggers to start their lifelong collection.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Upcoming Events


As always, check the FMSD monthly calendar-at-a-glance
which contains news about ALL known upcoming events. 
Be sure to click on "More Info" to get the best details!

Recent Articles


Asking For A Favor: Together, we are creating the possibility of a really huge explosion of Communal Joy!

The International Mr. Leather 2013 Contest in Chicago is coming up FAST. The Official IML XXX5 Weekend Schedule is now available, with the ability to add individual items from their calendar of events into your device's calendar.


Upcoming Events


Thursday, May 9 (second Thursday of each month), 9PM; Red Hankie Social Night @ the Eagle, @ 3040 N Park Way. Hosted by Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012 Eli.


Friday, May 10, 10PM; FETISH FINDS @ Numbers Bar, at 3811 Park Blvd:  Need gear, or looking for more? So many of us have gear that we "outgrew" or don't use anymore. Let's pass it down to those who can make more memories. Come out to our first annual Fetish Rummage Sale during Harness and stay for all the hot men.  Giving Back: The proceeds will go to the Leather Foundation to support our leather community here in SD. Bring anything you're looking to donate and desire to pass down. If you desire to donate before the event feel free to contact MrEagleSD2012 @ gmail.com. See you there!


Friday, May 10 (second Friday of each month), 10PM: Harness Party @ Numbers Bar, at 3811 Park Blvd.  Doug Long is this month's host (that's him on the left - he's at least twelve kinds of adorable!). Expect a LOT of people!

Saturday, May 11, 10am-noon: Single Tail Whip Practice in the Park



Saturday May 11th, 12 noon to 3PM: Celebration Of The Life Of Jay Lawton at The Eagle LA Bar.
Jay Lawton of JayPG Photography - long time photographer for the Mr. LA Leather Contest and the Local & National Leather Community in general - left us on April 23.

Jay wanted us to have a party, so let's have one.

Let's get together to celebrate our dear friend with a open mic for those with a 90 sec. speech, bring photos of yourself or others that were taken by Jay to share on our memory wall. It has been requested that in lieu of flowers that donations be made to the "JAY LAWTON PROJECT 50 FUND" please contact CHARLIE @ EAGLELA.COM for details.


(Note from Tony: Jay had a dream of completing a book called "Fifty Over Fifty", celebrating the beauty of men past the age of fifty. He was struggling to find enough men to complete the dream, so I helped him come to San Diego and gain access to our fine men here. It was a blast! He told me later that we all helped him complete the full quota. Now, his work needs to be published, and that is why they are taking up a collection.)

Saturday, May 11, 10pm (Second Saturday of each month): Uniform Night @ the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way,


Sunday, May 12, around 4PM: Our brothers from the Los Angeles Eagle are coming to visit San Diego for an afternoon at the Hole. From Eagle LA Mr. Leather 2013 Bill: The bus is sold out  already.  We leave  the Eagle at 1:30 so my guess is that we get to the Hole about 4 and leave about 7:30 to get back to Eagle LA at 10.  SEE YOU SUNDAY!!! 



Wednesday, May 15 (every Wednesday), 7PM: Men's DiscussionsTonight's topic: The Future (plus a presentation about the upcoming All-Male Butchmann's Experience)




Friday, May 17 (third Friday, every other month), 10:30pm: STUD Night @ the Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. Featured guest will be Adam Russo.



Saturday, May 18, 9:30PM: LL Bear Dance PartyRich's, at 1051 University. Third Saturday of each month. I'm a BIG fan of the DJ!


Sunday, May 19, 10PM: Long Beach Pride Parade. Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather 2012 will be attending. Aaron thinks it would nice if we could get a group of San Diego folks to head up to LB and show some support. All the folks in LB have been quite supportive of us. If you are interested, please email him at aaronbduke @ yahoo.com, and we can arrange a caravan.



Tuesday, May 21 (first and third Tuesday of each month), 7PM: Hands-On Demos @ the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. These are utterly safe, relaxed and sociable opportunities to get better-acquainted with the kinky arts.  All are welcome, at all experience-levels.



Thursday, May 23rd – Monday, May 27th
Nasty Kink Pigs Weekend in Palm Springs


May 24-27: International Mr. Leather 2013 Contest in Chicago. Let's all cheer for our own Kane, who will be competing!




May 29 at 7:30pm until June 2 at 10:30pmFilmOut San Diego's 15th Anniversary LGBT Film Festival, featuring FetishMenSanDiego's special presentation of Interior: Leather Bar.



Saturday, June 11: International Mr. and Ms Olympus Leather 2013 is on Saturday, May 11 at the Hilton LAX in Los Angeles, CA; doors open at 7 PM and contest starts at 7:30 PM.  We have 11 contestants which is a record high for International Olympus.

Six men and five women will present fantasies on stage. Past Avatar Club Los Angeles president Alan Stroik returns as our emcee and Michael Klyn is back as our ASL Interpreter. Winners' sashes and back patches by Leather Masters.ASL Interpreter provided by Sharon St. Cyr Fund.

See the contestants and judges at TheLeatherJournal.com. nternational Mr. and Ms Olympus Leather is being held during DomCon: Los Angeles.




July 12-14: Wet'n Hot in Palm Springs, CA




Friday, July 19 (third Friday, every other month), 10:30pm: STUD Night @ the Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. Featured guest will be Leo Forte.


Sunday, July 28, 11am to 6pmUp Your Alley Street Fair in San Francisco. There will be a group of San Diegans traveling together.




July 31-August 5: Lazy Bear Weekend in Guerneville, California




Sunday, September 29, 11am to 6pm:  Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco


San Diego's own Bryan Teague won American Leatherboy in 2010

October 11-13: American Brotherhood Weekend: A Leather Family Reunion in Chicago. Our own Mr. San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron will be running for American Leatherman 2013.



November 7-10Palm Springs Leather Pride



January 17-20: Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend 2014

Asking For A Favor


I'm asking a favor of my favorite friends:

Waiting for the movie to start, August 2012

My goal is to have the June 1 Movie Night (and its surrounding events during that weekend) be HUGE. Why?  The bigger the event, the bigger the momentum in the years coming up. We already have better buzz surrounding FetishMen groups than any other kinky gay-male groups on earth. Let's take it to the intergalactic level!

So, my request: send your buddies this link, with your endorsement...

http://tinyurl.com/fmreunion

I'm asking you to be an opinion leader. This is an ongoing experiment to see what happens.

Let me know!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Upcoming Events

As always, check the FMSD monthly calendar-at-a-glance
which contains news about ALL known upcoming events. 
Be sure to click on "More Info" to get the best details!

Recent Articles


First Annual FetishMen's Family Reunion in San Diego, May 31 to June 2, 2013. Our biggest event ever.

A few of the men who participated in Palm Springs. Lots more were camera-shy!

Review of the DFA Exploratorium, April 20, 2013 - Mummification and flogging classes in Rancho Mirage.


Review of the FMLA Kickoff Event, April 27, 2013 - BIG turnout, lots of pictures, and a complete success!


Review of Kane's IML Sendoff Party at the Pink Palace, April 28, 2013


Article Archives - I've scoured through over 550 articles from FMSD's past to find the articles that turned out to be the most popular.  This is the first time that they have been gathered in one place… and more will be added to the same page as time goes by.

If you would like to volunteer with the Leather Realm during San Diego Pride, please email me at papatony @ mac.com, and you will gain all sorts of Papa Points as a result!


Humor

Thanks to the wonderful Mr. San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron, we get this link passed along: The Wholly Ironic Hanky Code… Ow. Double Ow. And of course, Triple Ow.


Upcoming Events

Thursday, May 2 (first and third Thursday of each month), 10pm: Yellow Hankie Social Night @ the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way


Saturday, May 4 (first Saturday of each month), 4-7PM: Cigars & Boots at Bourbon Street at 4612 Park Blvd - Relaxed, happy, comfortable, serene. Pure brotherhood.



Saturday, May 4th, 8PM: Skintight/Frosted Benefit at Pistons Bar at 2020 E Artesia Blvd in Long Beach.


Saturday, May 04, 9:30 PM – 1:30 AM: DIRTY PARTY at  Dungeon Servitus, downtown San Diego. Location supplied when you RSVP. Cost: $15.00 Per Guest, Hosted by boy loren.
Dress code: Leather: Rubber: Tattoos: Jock Gear: Uniforms: Skin Gear: Old School & MORE!!
Dress: Leather: Rubber: Tattoos: Jock Gear: Uniforms: Skin Gear: Old School & MORE!
Bring Your Gear!



Saturday, May 4 (first Saturday of each month), 10PM: BearNight Dance @ Numbers Bar, at 3811 Park Blvd.



Tuesday, May 7 (first and third Tuesday of each month), 7PM: Hands-On Demos @ the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. These are utterly safe, relaxed and sociable opportunities to get better-acquainted with the kinky arts.  All are welcome, at all experience-levels.



Wednesday, May 8 (every Wednesday), 7PM: Men's Discussions. Tonight's topic: The Past vs. The Future



Thursday, May 9 (second Thursday of each month), 9PM; Red Hankie Social Night @ the Eagle, @ 3040 N Park Way. Hosted by Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012 Eli.



Friday, May 10, 10PM; FETISH FINDS @ Numbers Bar, at 3811 Park Blvd:  Need gear, or looking for more? So many of us have gear that we "outgrew" or don't use anymore. Let's pass it down to those who can make more memories. Come out to our first annual Fetish Rummage Sale during Harness and stay for all the hot men.  Giving Back: The proceeds will go to the Leather Foundation to support our leather community here in SD. Bring anything you're looking to donate and desire to pass down. If you desire to donate before the event feel free to contact MrEagleSD2012 @ gmail.com. See you there!





Friday, May 10 (second Friday of each month), 10PM: Harness Party @ Numbers Bar, at 3811 Park Blvd.  Doug Long is this month's host (that's him on the left - he's at least twelve kinds of adorable!). Expect a LOT of people!

Saturday, May 11, 10am-noon: Single Tail Whip Practice in the Park



Friday, May 17 (third Friday, every other month), 10:30pm: STUD Night @ the Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. Featured guest will be Adam Russo.



Sunday, May 19, 10PM: Long Beach Pride Parade. Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather 2012 will be attending. Aaron thinks it would nice if we could get a group of San Diego folks to head up to LB and show some support. All the folks in LB have been quite supportive of us. If you are interested, please email him at aaronbduke @ yahoo.com, and we can arrange a caravan.



Thursday, May 23rd – Monday, May 27th
Nasty Kink Pigs Weekend in Palm Springs


May 24-27: International Mr. Leather 2013 Contest in Chicago. Let's all cheer for our own Kane, who will be competing!




May 29 at 7:30pm until June 2 at 10:30pmFilmOut San Diego's 15th Anniversary LGBT Film Festival, featuring FetishMenSanDiego's special presentation of Interior: Leather Bar.



July 12-14: Wet'n Hot in Palm Springs, CA




Friday, July 19 (third Friday, every other month), 10:30pm: STUD Night @ the Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. Featured guest will be Leo Forte.


Sunday, July 28, 11am to 6pmUp Your Alley Street Fair in San Francisco. There will be a group of San Diegans traveling together.




July 31-August 5: Lazy Bear Weekend in Guerneville, California




Sunday, September 29, 11am to 6pm:  Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco


San Diego's own Bryan Teague won American Leatherboy in 2010

October 11-13: American Brotherhood Weekend: A Leather Family Reunion in Chicago. Our own Mr. San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron will be running for American Leatherman 2013.



November 7-10Palm Springs Leather Pride



January 17-20: Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend 2014