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Monday, August 31, 2015

Men's Discussion: "You Assume Too Much", Wednesday, September 2

What's FMSD doing this Wednesday?

We are honored to have guest speakers who are well-loved and deeply respected.  
This will be a powerful and deep presentation.

When: Wednesday, 2 September 2015, 7pm till 9pm
Where:, Mission Valley

"You Assume Too Much"


Redefining authority exchange through the use 
of typically restrictive labels, titles and 
other preconceived notions.

Have you ever met a potential partner, discussed your individual power orientations, negotiated, then crashed and burned a scene, or perhaps an entire relationship? Have you been told you're a bottom, Dom, switch, etc yet never felt strongly connected to any particular label? Have you ever wanted to explore other types or play or sensations and felt unable to ask for what you wanted because you felt limited by or attached to a title you have or one you desire to have?

All too often we unconsciously group ourselves and others on ‘one side of the slash’ (B/D, S/M, D/S etc.) or the other and create preconceived notions about what what we can or can't, should or shouldn't do based on our position, title, or orientation.

In this class we will use the medium of bootblacking to demonstrate and discuss how we can take typically limiting and confining labels and turn them into springboards for reclaiming our individual power, power which we can then share honestly and authentically with our partners.


Jason is a self identified Master with strong Daddy tendencies, living in San Diego, CA and is steeped in the primal and ‘woo’ energies of the Southwest. He possesses formal certifications in Turkish percussion and drum healing. As a perpetual student, one will often find Him at workshops and conferences regionally and beyond. He openly shares knowledge and skills with anyone willing to get close enough. Multi volunteer award winner, current secretary of Club X SD and director of MAsT Metro SD, He has a penchant for rough body play, humiliation, sharps and watersports.

shilo is a devoted, slave-leaning Leather girl, living in San Diego, CA, yet conscious of her strong central Florida roots. Skilled at giving great chair, her amazing R.A.C.K. is a common sight in many bootblack lounges and serves as a lovely distraction to her SD Bootblack 2015 1st runner up medallion. When not at the stands, you can find her driving buses or offering her perky energy to a myriad of organizations or events such as SDGoL, Club X SD, and Central Florida KCO. Besides boots, she loves pet play, objectification and energy exchange.

A simple need for leather care services led the Tampa community to pair them together two years ago, and since then they have formed a spirited duo, answering calls for their skills, experience and mutual love of service. They have contributed to the success of endeavors such as Butchmann’s Experience on the Road, Flog Swarm, Leather HEAT and other events, having as much fun as possible along the way. They employ the regular use of taboo, ritual and other types of edge play to enhance their scenes and as vehicles for self exploration. Together they enjoy building forts and fucking in them and one rarely knows where they will turn up next.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Audio Archives

Please use your social circle to pass this along to your friends. You know how the "It Gets Better" videos are helping our youth, who can't be reached by normal means? This is just as beneficial to gay FetishMen in isolated areas.  How do I know?  They tell me, often. Let's reach as many lonely and remotely-located brothers as possible, together. Facebook is a good way to get the news out, too.

Newer postings are at the TOP.

For a wider variety of topics that are mentoring-oriented, please feel free to stop by Papa Tony's Audio and Video Archives.


Unlike other articles elsewhere that merely IDENTIFY problems and then stop at the Complaint Stage, this material is all about concrete SOLUTIONS that have been tested thoroughly, work extremely well, and benefit as many people as possible.

These recordings are a real mixed bag, designed for men who crave CLOSENESS as a Tribe of brothers, Dads, Sirs, sons, boys, loving uncles and Grandpas.  If you are inclined to be sweet, authentic, fully-self-expressed and KIND (while also kinky-kinky), then you have seriously found the right place for information that will support guys like you.

The pictures tell the story.

 We've started recording just about EVERYTHING that involves shared insights in our group. Don't expect conciseness in any of the following materials - It's almost all stream-of-consciousness stuff, but MEATY. It's rich with coaching, coping-mechanisms, tips for success and other wisdom-nuggets.

The intent is to not only welcome beginners into the world of kinky gay-male play, but also to teach LIFE-SKILLS as men of the Tribe.  These are VERY wide-ranging sessions.

Please pass this along to your friends, particularly the ones who live in isolated areas. When I was at Dore Alley 2013, I had a bunch of individuals from Montana, Iowa, Tampa Bay and Denver come up to thank me for posting these sessions. My Google Analytics tell me that these sessions are being listened to in Canada, Germany, the UK, Latvia, France, Belgium, Spain, Greece, Poland, all over South America and the Middle East.

Clearly, there is an audience for such material - Please help us spread the good word!

The longer-term goal is to offer all recordings as podcasts, so that folks can start free subscriptions, and have them delivered automatically as new ones arrive.

August 12, 1015
The Penis: Friend Or Foe?, moderated by Rod.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Wednesday, February 11

Monday, February 2, 2015
The Butchmanns Experience Came to San Diego!

Monday, January 12, 2015
IMPORTANT DISCUSSION TOPIC: "Protecting yourself on the Internet"

Wednesday, December 14, 2014
Left of the Slash - a Support Group for Dominants in San Diego.

Third Monday of each month), 6:30PM:  "Left of the Slash" dinner. Tops, Doms, Sirs and Masters at ANY experience-level are invited. Send an RSVP to SignMeUpForEvent for location.  This is a superb opportunity to build friends, find answers to questions, and gain some mentoring that you can't find anywhere else.

Friday, November 7, 2014
Photos and Audio from Gear Invasion and Awards Dinner

Friday, September 12, 2014
Audio and Pictures from "TransMen Share Their Stories" Discussion

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Coming Out, Part 1” (hosted by Stewart)

Wednesday, October 8
Role Play and Verbal”, hosted by Daddy Ron and Gang, followed by "Mankind Project", 

Wednesday, September 17
"Jealousy" discussion, hosted by Brian

Audio and Pictures from "TransMen Share Their Stories" Discussion, Wednesday, September 10.

"TransMen Share Their Stories", hosted by Mr. San Diego Eagle 2014 Paulo Batista.  This is the updated version of FMSD’s most popular Discussion Meeting topic, ever.  Years ago, over a dozen of our Transsexual brothers came to share their experiences, and the men attending that night demanded that we do this again!  Learn, grow, and enjoy the authenticity - It’s a great way to learn from our brothers, and build friendships.

September 3, 2014.
Turn Ons, Turn Offs: Men's Discussion

Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Spirituality and SM

Hosted by JP, who clearly picked an excellent topic, resulting in a rousing and passionate discussion.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014 

Moderated by Mike. How we treat each other when we don't know each other, and don't see the spirit within.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014: Brainstorming FMSD's Future

Right after the Flog Swarm (and Papa Tony's retirement as a community leader), the men of FMSD gathered to discuss the path going forward.  Moderated by Sir Magnum.  It's a magnificent, dynamic and effective exchange of ideas, and shows how strong our group has become.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014: 
Unfortunately, the second half of the discussion was never recorded, 
even though it gave every indication that recording was occurring.  Rats.
Brett Robertson & Co. will facilitate along with group interaction.

We'll focus on dating and relationships in the postmodern age of the internet. Whether you're single and looking, partnered or otherwise, we invite you to share your successes and challenges on the journey to find love, family and connection.
A Special Note: After the discussion, we'll stroll over for "Karaoke Night" at the Redwing Bar & Grill in North Park. This event is usually held on the 3rd Wed, however we're switching nights to accommodate the Flog Swarm Practice next week.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014:

Pre-event publicity:
Wednesday, April 30, 2014 7PM: FMSD Discussion Group - "SIZE Matters"
Host: Jon LeatherBoy Somerville
This will be a discussion about body size/type discrimination, and any discrimination people have encountered based on cock size. An invite will be extended to members of Bears San Diego to join us as they will have some interesting perspectives on the body size/type portion of the discussion.

There is some simple, OPTIONAL homework for people to complete here:
(The surveys will be randomly distributed and read out loud to the group by our members. No names, tracking, or other identifying information is gathered from this webpage.)

April 16, 2014:

Wednesday, April 10, 2014:

Friday, April 4, 2014:
Photos and Audio From Aaron's Bon Voyage Dinner

Wednesday March 19, 2014:

March 12, 2014:

BODY ELECTRIC Discussion, with photos and audio

Switches (partial audio clip - Some kind of technical glitch truncated the full recording).

June 12, 2013
Top Talk - Roundtable discussion about what being a Top means.

June 19, 2013
Bottom Talk - Roundtable discussion about what being a bottom means.

Non-Verbal Communication.  Attraction, seduction, building trust.

Wednesday, September 11
How Do We Meet? How Do We Date, in 2013 and Beyond?  Here are the links to Adult Friend FinderFetlife and Craigslist.

This is the picture that was being passed around
 at the event mentioned below. It shows Patrick and Papa Tony 
participating in the Fifty Over Fifty Project.

Wednesday, September 4, 7PM: Male Grief, and Our Fathers. Here is a preview video that will explain some of what we covered. We also mentioned Robert Bly.

Wednesday, August 28, 7PM
Forbidden Orgasms: Barebacking, Bug-Chasing, Drugs, Brown Hankies, (Fill In The Blank). Here are the recommended books that I mentioned.  Above this is the picture that I passed around during the meeting, showing one highly endorphinated bottom being swamped by Tops. I also referenced the Dreams of Extremes and He Knows His Place Tumblr feeds. Frankly, due to the extreme honesty of this session, I've been flooded with private, emailed confessions of extreme fantasies that I've never even HEARD of before!  It's a blast.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Discussion this Wednesday: The Penis - Friend or Foe?

Date & Time: Wed, 12 Aug 2015, 7pm till 9pm

Where: The Stomping Ground San Diego, Mission Valley, San Diego, CA

The discussion will focus on facts about human and animal penises; circumcision; erectile dysfunction; old wive's tales not based on fact; PAs; wet dreams; deepthroating; masturbation, and more aspects about your "tubesteak."

Come to a quiet, safe and welcoming space, where we can talk about stuff that matters, learn from each other, and build new friendships outside of a noisy bar!

Hosting Venue:
1235 Hotel Cir S, San Diego, CA 92108, United States

Google Maps properly shows the location which is up the street behind the TravelLodge San Diego Mission Valley and Kings Inn San Diego

Parking: Street parking on the hill. Arrive early to park closer to the building!

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Master Class For Beginners, Starts in September 2015

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.

From Papa Tony:
In the past, I focused on those who identify as male.
Starting now, I'm opening it up. It's time.

Who is invited: 

Men and women who wish to step into the next phase of their lives as a Dominant.  Gender, orientation, body-style, age, color and experience-level are immaterial.  We will all be bonding TIGHTLY as friends, so be aware that there will be a lot of hugs and closeness.


6:30PM to 9pm or so, Second and Fourth Thursday of each month (unless otherwise negotiated).


To be announced to those who are accepted to the list. I will be limiting the class-size to twenty people.


Optional donation to the hosting location, and KEEPING YOUR WORD. I am too old to chase after flakes.  If you promise that you will show up, it's okay to renegotiate, but don't disappear on me. I can't put 100% of my energies into somebody who can't be depended upon.


- One (preferably two) Mister Thuddy flogger(s).  If you are smaller-framed, get the Mr. Thuddy Lite. They are the best floggers for beginners on a budget.

-  Watch this one-hour video.  It shows my instructional style, and it's densely useful for folks who want to learn a very fun and intimate style of flogging.

- PASS IT ALONG.  If you learn something, teach it to others.  The intention is to rebuild the culture of mentoring that we lost in the early 1980's, when so many wise elders died.

How to apply:

Send an email to SignMeUpForEvent, and include a long, detailed message about yourself. Include your contact-info, and the name that your friends call you.  I won't be using your email to judge your worthiness, I promise!  Just help me to learn about you, and to start a deeper friendship.  Include a facial photo, since I have a terrible memory, except for faces.

From Papa Tony:

I have been training new Sirs, Doms, Daddies, Tops and Masters, continuously, for years.  I explain why, here.  I consider it to be the very best use of my spare time.

As I say elsewhere, I make no pretense of knowing everything. That's not my specialty.  I specialize in encouraging the new, the shy, and the unsure.  There is a long list of Doms that have benefitted from my training, and they are out in the world, making LOTS of submissives very happy.

Since there is only one of me, I periodically work with groups as a cooperative effort.  It's that time again, so I am gathering names and making plans.

I teach a particular philosophy, which has served me well as a kinky Dom since 1977.  There are other, excellent resources in town (particularly Club X of San Diego), where you can learn advanced techniques (otherwise known as "hard skills").  I do very little of that, comparatively speaking.  I specialize in "soft skills"… Success techniques, coping-mechanisms, life-wisdom, and how to be POPULAR, for all of the right reasons.

I teach the things that you can't find anywhere else on the Internet, and I do it in a personalized way.

I teach you how to be a Dominant that everybody is glad to see, and whose dance-card is always as full as you can handle it.  In other words, I teach leadership skills.  I have a VERY high success-rate. Nobody goes through this process without big benefits.

So, bring your questions, and I will never bullshit you - If I don't know the answer, I will refer you to someone who knows. This is a pleasure for me, and it's a great way for us all to connect with new friends that may last us for a lifetime!

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Audio from "Consent" Discussion

Wednesday, August 6, 2015.

Pre-Event Publicity:

Discussion: Consent and other fun/important stuff
Come join us for a lively discussion
6:30-7:00 Social
7:30-8:30 Discussion
8:30-9:00 Wrap-Up / Social

The World Health Organization defines Sexual Health as “…a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.” (WHO, 2006a)

This includes the understanding of Safe, Sane, & Consensual, Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), and Honesty, Consensual, Non-Exploitive, Shared Values, Mutual Pleasure, & Protection as part of our kinky sexuality. How do you discuss these things?

Local Boot Repair Recommendation

Manny, Jenny and Chris
From Papa Tony:

I recently dropped off my Wesco Engineer tall boots (that's them on the counter) to have the heels replaced.  After 22 years, I've worn down the sides of the heels, and it makes my knees hurt if I do a lot of walking in them.

I am glad to recommend Chito's (RIGHT around the corner from Redwing bar):

Chito's Shoe Repair
2936 Lincoln Ave
San Diego, CA  92104

They have done other work for me, such as 
installing snappy silver toe-caps on my cowboy boots.

I'm sure that there are other boot-and-shoe-repair shops around town.  This is what I like about Chito's:

Hyper-Boots (Wesco Big Boss)

I tested their open-mindedness, by showing them some pretty darned frisky photos from my private stash, showing me in some intensive boot-fetish action and gear. They responded exactly the way that I had hoped, with easy acceptance and new friendship.  These are great folks!

Calf Corsets (Wesco Jobmasters)

As a treat, the next time that I showed up, I brought in my "Hyper-Boots", my "Calf Corsets" and my Wesco Engineers, as a friendly Show and Tell form of entertainment. The crew at Chito's were thrilled, and took many pictures.
Wesco Engineers

While I was there, I realized that the heels on my Engineers were worn. So, the Chito's crew will get right on it, and have the boots ready in a few days.

I can gladly recommend these fine folks as friendly, professional and just plain nice.

From Sir Magnum:

It's a long-time, great establishment. I've taken my boots there for repairs throughout the years.

UPDATE from Tony:

Got the boots back today, and they are PERFECT. Ready for another 22 years! Chris complimented me on the fact that they were so perfectly maintained, with healthy leather, zero build-up, and every stitch individually detailed with a white grease-pencil. I told him the truth - My slave bob takes EXCELLENT care of my leathers!

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

FMSD Planning Group results, 4 August 2015

The FMSD Planning Group met this evening, 4 August 2015, and came up with topics for almost all of the balance of the calendar year. The FMSD Google Calendar reflects the topics listed here.

How did we dream up this stuff? We listened to what the men in the group have said they are interested in hearing, seeing, learning, and doing. Would you like to present or have an idea for a discussion, instruction, hands-on demo, or a practical skill? Please (!) let us know!

We need hosts and greeters. If you're interested or curious, please let us know.

-- The secret agenda: Men who step up to the challenge of presenting, hosting, facilitating, or supporting FMSD in any of numerous ways will experience being supported by other men in FMSD to be the best they can be. You need not do it all by yourself or alone. It's easy enough to ask for help and the group will support you. Try It! You might be awesome at it!

5 Aug: (Jerry) Discussion: Consent and other fun/important stuff
12 Aug: (Rod) Discussion: The Penis: Friend or Foe?
19 Aug: (Steve) Discussion: PrEP/Truvada & Local Health Resources
26 Aug: (SBS) TBD - Scott will reach out for a presenter

2 Sep: (Jerry) Discussion: Topic TBD
9 Sep: (Magnum) First of Three: Agism
16 Sep: (Magnum) Second of Three: Are you getting, and asking, for what you want?
23 Sep: (Magnum) Third of Three: Speed Date-A-Round
30 Sep: (All) Pot Luck Social & Stories from Folsom 2015

6 Oct: TUESDAY: FMSD Planning Group meeting
7 Oct: (Jerry & Skip) Eat, Drink, and Fuck like a First Century Greek
14 Oct: (SBS) TBD - Scott will reach out for a presenter
21 Oct: (Frank) Sensory Deprivation
28 Oct: (Rod) On-Line Sites, Tips, Techniques

4 Nov: (Jerry) Discussion: Topic TBD
11 Nov:
18 Nov:
25 Nov: (All) FFF: Familyless Fetishmen Feast

2 Dec: (Jerry): Discussion: Topic TBD
9 Dec:
16 Dec:
23 Dec: DARK - No Meeting. Go be with friends and family. See you next year!
30 Dec: DARK - No Meeting. Go be with friends and family. See you next year!

Some changes will occur and details will be added to the calendar events when known.

Do you see an error or discrepancy in the calendar? Please let me know so it can be fixed. Thanks!

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Photos from Cigars & Boots, August 1, 2015

Photos by Scott Smith & Papa Tony

Pre-Event Publicity:

Saturday August 1, 2015 Cigars & Boots Social 4-7PM
(First Saturday of every month)
Cigars, tobacco pipes, cigarettes, and dip welcome.
You don't have to be a tobacco enthusiast to enjoy the socializing!
$3 Well Drinks, $3 Domesic Bottled Beers, and Happy Hour Menu Specials until 6PM.
Our new resident bootblack, pup Astro (Illinois Community Bootblack '12/'13 and International Bootblack Contestant at IML in 2015) will be on site with his kit.
Open to all genders/sexualities (21 and over).

Here's part of the crowd from yesterday's Cigars & Boots event at Redwing bar, out on the patio. 
As always, it was mellow, good-natured and fun!