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Monday, August 14, 2017

A New Kind of Ritual

Table of Contents:

I. Member's Only Party
II. Ritual Fire & Ritual Steel
III. New & Rebuilt Bridges
IV. Events & Volunteers
V. From ME to YOU

 I. Member's Only Party

We're just two weeks away from our first Member's Only Party of the year! Ticket sales are being handled by Doriam. Space is limited. Please plan ahead by contacting Doriam at:

There will NOT be any Door Sales for this event. Ticket Sales end 08/31.

II. Ritual Fire & Ritual Steel

Together, we will build a stronger community.

Join us Sunday, September 10th, from 6:30pm to 9:30pm, at Fiesta Island Park, as Fetish Men San Diego in conjunction with Club X San Diego host Ritual Fire: A Tribal Bonfire Social.

Ritual Fire will be a night of camaraderie and unity among all members of our community. Live drumming to help open yourself to the tribal energy, and get in touch with your inner rhythm. Local kinksters from FMSD and Club X will be performing various feats of Fire Play throughout the night. It is our hope that we can all share in the ebb and flow of energy, while indulging our most spiritual needs.

Looking for more? Club X in conjunction with Edgewalkers is producing Ritual Steel: An Xtreme Tribal Experience a night filled with Tribal, spiritual energy. On Saturday, October 21st, join together in the WorldBeat Cultural Center in Balboa Park for a one-night event, three years in the making. Ritual piercing, hook pull, flesh suspension, and more. You don't want to miss this event from 6:00pm till midnight.

Earlier in the day, special guest Elwood Reid will host a presentation discussing the history and intent behind many global body-based rituals. This 2-hour educational discussion will be open to the public for $10, and is included in your ticket price for Ritual Steel. Presentation attendance is offered free with your ticket, but is not required in order to participate in the evening event.

Purchase your tickets now by following this link.
Read more about RITUAL STEEL at the Club X Events page.

III. New & Rebuilt Bridges

It is my distinct pleasure to announce that Fetish Men San Diego will be working hand-in-hand with several groups, businesses, and title holders in our community to build a strong foundation where new, experienced, and up-and-coming Leathermen, kinksters, and community members can grow together. Starting in September, FMSD will be hosting more events alongside California Drummerboy Erik Thomas, and the San Diego Eagle, scroll down for more information on those!

We have ALSO found a potential venue for 201+ classes and workshops. One of our own members has graciously offered his space for us to use, we will be announcing these classes on Fetlife, Facebook and on these newsletters after confirming that the space will work. Ticket Sales will be done on-line, and space will be limited. More information to come.

IV. Events

Beat Your Drum @ The Eagle - Friday, August 18th, 10pm - Close
Join us in supporting California Drummer and Drummerboy at The San Diego Eagle. The theme this month will be Rubber, Latex, and Neoprene -- but all gear is welcome!

Flogging Friday @ The Eagle - Friday, September 1st, 10pm - Close
Bring your favorite Flogger to the Eagle on 09/01 - whether that be a person or a toy, is your call. The crosses and posts will be set up for willing participants to experience flogging.

Fetish Men Member's Only Party - Saturday, September 2nd, 8pm - Midnight
Don't forget to purchase your tickets by contacting Doriam at -- Ticket sales end AUGUST 31st! Doriam will be at the Eagle EVERY SUNDAY leading up to the party for their Sunday BBQ from 4-7, and can meet up several days throughout the week!

Ritual Fire: A Tribal Bonfire Social - Sunday, September 10th, 6:30pm - 9:30pm
We are looking for Volunteers to help reserve space at the venue, and also looking for Fire
Play Performers for the night.

If you are interested, please reach out to: or

Fetish Men Friday @ The Eagle - Friday, September 15th, 9pm - Midnight
Join us for FMSDs newest event - Fetish Men Friday! The Eagle has allowed us to take over one night each month to introduce our Brothers to FMSD by showing the skills that we most enjoy! This month, Doriam will be leading the charge, demonstrating one of his favorite hard skills - Rope Bondage a.k.a. Shibari!

Other Events Coming Up:
08/17 (Thr) - Club X - Shibari 101 - Introductory Rope Class, Pleasures & Treasures, 7pm - 9pm
08/19 (Sat) - Club X - Open Party - Game On!
09/09 (Sat) - House of Black - Locker Room - BDSM & Swing Crossover Party
09/14 (Thr) - Club X - XMEN ACADEMY - Men's Health w/ MrSDL17
09/24 (Sun) - Folsom Street Fair (+ FMSD at Folsom, details to come)
09/?? (TBD) - Fetish Men 201+ Workshop (date to be confirmed)

V. From ME to YOU

I first wanted to say "Thank You" for those of you who reached out after the last newsletter went out! We are working diligently to build up Fetish Men San Diego, and are so happy to hear that what we're doing is being responded to well by YOU, our Brothers.

Now, I am humbly asking for your help; in order to get these events off the ground, I need assistance - whether that be in setup, or tear-down, teaching classes, leading discussions, whatever capacity you are willing to help, I would appreciate it! If you are interested in finding out how you can help your fellow Brothers succeed, email!

In Service,
Doriam Couto

Saturday, August 5, 2017

You've Got Male! - An intro and a plan

Table of Contents:

I. An Introduction
II. Events
III. Volunteerism
IV. From ME to YOU

Howdy Gents,

Papa Tony introduced me back in THIS blog post as stepping up as the new leadership for Fetish Men San Diego. Since then, many of you haven’t heard much from me due to life happening, but with the dust settled, I am hoping to take several steps forward! But first, allow me to re-introduce myself:

I. An Introduction

My name is Doriam Couto. I’m 24 years old, have lived in San Diego for 6 years, have been active in the Leather, BDSM, Kink, and Fetish community since 2015, and identify as a Homoflexible Male. I currently serve on the board/staff of three organization, including: President/Leadership for Fetish Men San Diego, Board of Directors for Club X San Diego, Host for Club X’s XMen, and Bartender/Pet Lab Instructor for House of Black. I regularly attend events for All Tied Up and SAN-PAH in addition to events hosted by Club X and House of Black.

Prior to stepping up to leadership in the community, I was the Event Manager for a bar in Hillcrest, which sparked my interest in running and planning events across the board, and have been running my own business for 3 years. In the 8 months since I was handed the keys to Fetish Men San Diego, we’ve hosted a few events, but not as many as I had anticipated when I first began. With new excitement, and a willingness to grow, I plan to change that over the next several weeks!

II. Events

FMSD Skills Workshop - TBA

We are working currently on finding a venue where we can host a 2-3 hour skills workshop for the members of FMSD. With the costs of rental space going up and up, and the premise of what it is that we do, it has been difficult to solidify a space! If you know of a space that can accommodate up to 12 people comfortably, please let us know by contacting Doriam at


August 10th - XMen Danger Room: Rough Body Play

In addition to working with FMSD, we’ve been working with Club X to create a Men’s Group where all men could feel comfortable: XMen! XMen hosts one event each month, alternating between Demo and Discussion -- this month, we will have @Fluffywumplekins teaching us all about the wonderful world of Rough Body Play on August 10th. Previous topics have included Sounding, Power Exchange, Electroplay, and Men’s Health. This event occurs on the Second Thursday of each month at Pleasures & Treasures from 7-9pm - as this is a Club X event, there is a $5 requested donation of non-Club X members.

mens party 11.jpg

September 2nd - FMSD Member’s Only Party

RSVP on Facebook or Fetlife
Many of you asked for it, and we’re delivering. On September 2nd, FMSD will host its first Member’s Only Party at House of Black in Mira Mesa. We are scheduled to have the venue for 4 hours from 8-Midnight for a BDSM focused play party amongst our Brothers. Ages 18+, Drugs & Alcohol are not allowed at this party, tobacco smoking & vaping are permitted on the patio. Interested in purchasing a ticket? Contact Doriam at or through Facebook! Ticket Sales end on August 31st!

This Sunday, 6 August 2017, Doriam will be at The San Diego Eagle’s BBQ from 4pm till 7pm to meet you and help you with ticket sales. See you there!

RItual Fire.jpg

September 10th - Ritual Fire: A Tribal Experience

Leading up to Ritual Steel in October, Fetish Men San Diego has partnered with Club X to produce Ritual Fire. Ritual Fire will be a night of tribal energy and camaraderie amongst our brothers and sisters in the community, where we will share stories and get to know the people who share our interests. We are looking for Volunteers to help reserve space at the venue! More information coming soon.

Fetish Men At Folsom

An informal event, but an event none-the-less! We’d like to join together with our brothers from across the globe at Folsom Street Fair on September 24th! Keep posted for more details!!

Hook Pull 2017.jpg

October 21 - Ritual Steel: An XTreme Tribal Experience

Gather in the World Beat Center on Saturday, October 21 for a one-night event, three years in the making. Live drumming, ritual piercing, hook pull, flesh suspension and much more. This may not be an FMSD Event, but let’s support our Brothers and Sisters in Club X and Edgewalkers, and enjoy this one-of-a-kind experience.

III. Volunteer Opportunity

You may have noticed that this is a lot coming up in the next few months, and we need YOUR help to do them! We are looking for volunteers to assist us in getting the word out that Fetish Men San Diego is Alive and Well and that we are looking to continue growing as a Brotherhood! If you are interested in lending your time, skills, or are curious as to what you might be able to bring to the table, contact Doriam at

IV. From ME to YOU
I wanted to end this post with something a little less formal. I wanted to thank each and every one of you for your patience leading up to this point; I understand that there have been points at which I have failed you, and I accept that there will be points where I will fail again, but it is my goal to minimize these failures. I hope that you will come with me, and with the rest of our Brothers, to create a community that honors brotherhood, camaraderie, and creates a space for Men to be Men.

In Service,
Doriam Couto

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

March With Us During The 2017 San Diego Pride Parade!

From Mr. San Diego Leather 2017 Nathan:

Hi there! It's almost Pride, and I'm looking for people to join the Leather Contingent in this year's parade on Saturday, July 15. We really need people to help carry the giant Leather Pride flag through the parade route - it stretches the entire width of the street, and we need about 80 people to carry it! The other San Diego titleholders and I would love for you could join us. If you could also help spread the word, please forward to others who could help. I know Pride is always hectic, so any assistance is greatly appreciated. Please let me know if you can help, and THANK YOU!

You can contact Nathan at MisterSDL2017 @

Notes from Papa Tony:

Nobody should feel that they are obligated to wear leather to help carry the flag - the titleholders are out front, so they are obligated to be all flashy and visible!  Just dressing comfortably is fine.

Year after year after year, San Diego always has the largest Leather Contingent of any Pride Parade that I am aware of, worldwide. It's a powerful tradition:

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Dominant/Top Mentoring Classes for Gay Men, Starting Soon

UPDATE:  The classes are happening, and I have 

From Papa Tony:

I recently celebrated forty years in the Kink/Leather/Fetish community.  I do not pretend to know everything about every aspect of Kinkology, but I do have a lot of experience, and I am VERY successful at being a Sir.  I'd like to teach you how to be successful as well, if you are looking to learn.

I have been mentoring kinky, dominant men and women for many years. Periodically, I do a "semester" of classes, just for gay men.

What's the difference between attending these classes, and just looking for info on Google?

We aren't in need of more information… we are drowning in it.  What we need is someone who gives a damn about the student's success, who will give personalized coaching, and generously provides answers to very intimate questions without withholding, or harsh judgment.  As we said in the 1970's, even Daddies need Daddies.

What do I teach?

There are two categories of wisdom that every high-quality Sir gathers:

- Hard skills ("This is how you do this thing"), and
- Soft skills… Success-techniques, coping-mechanisms and gathered wisdom.

I teach both.

What style am I teaching?

I do NOT teach abusive, disapproval-based relationship tips.  Somebody else can do that, and elsewhere.  My style is long-term, affectionate, mutually supportive, relationship-based, and utterly hardcore when it's the right time.

What is the cost for attending?

There are two costs:

- I expect you to teach others as the years go by, when you feel ready to do so. That is how we did it in the old days, and it is a noble thing to do.  I do it, because it is my way of thanking my own mentors, who died decades ago.

- I expect you to SHOW UP.  I know how valuable this information is, and once you commit, I expect everybody to show up on time, every time, unless you are sick or dead!  :->

What is the payoff for the students?

In a word, POPULARITY.  You know how gay men are supposed to become less-attractive as we grow older?  A high-quality, confident Sir's value NEVER GOES DOWN, until he decides to retire.  In fact, once a man's confidence in his abilities rise, he has to get some extra coaching on how to deal with the stress of being chased after, everywhere that he goes.

How do you find out more about the class, the dates and the location in San Diego?

Email me at papatony - Introduce yourself, and tell me your interests.  Start the ball rolling.

If you don't live in San Diego, get on my list anyway - I will be audio-recording the classes.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

The Wonderful World of Impact, call for discussion topics, and monthly brunch. 5 March 2017

Mark your calendars for our monthly events on both the second Thursday and fourth Wednesday of the month, 7-9pm, at the
Joyce Beers Community Center
3900 Vermont St, San Diego, California 92103

Check out the FMSD perpetual calendar on the FMSD Calendar. After you visit and click on "Blog & Archives", click on Calendar just below the "FetishMenSanDiego Links:" text.

Please contact us at:
Email - FetishMenSanDiego [at] GMail
FetLife - FetishMen_SD
Facebook: @FetishMenSD

FMSD: Making an Impact
“Floggers and Paddles and Demos, Oh My!”

Thursday, March 09, 2017 · 7:00 PM – 8:50 PM 
Joyce Beers Community Center
3900 Vermont St, San Diego, California 92103

Ages: Ages 18+
Cost: $5 Suggested Donation
Dress code: Street Legal
Experience: 101-Level

Curious about the wonderful world of impact? Have you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be on the giving/receiving end of a paddle, flogger, or cane? Maybe you just want to learn more about grappling, proper spanking etiquette, or ball busting and gut punching?

Well we've got the event for you!

Join us on March 9th from 7:00-9:00pm at Joyce Beers Community Center for our demo on a few different forms of impact play. This workshop is being put on by @Fetishmen_SD (on and being organized by our Co-President @Rubble_Kcos (on

Note: this event is male- and male-identified only. We appreciate the enthusiasm and willingness of our Sisters to participate, and invite you to join our membership at a number of pansexual and all-gender events.

We need a few demo bottoms for next Thursdays class. We'd like 3 or so confirmed, and 2 alternates. All attendees will have the opportunity to learn, practice and/or experience the demos, but we need someone to get on up first.


Discussion Topics

This group is for you! We need discussion topics that you guys would like to hear. What do you want to talk about? The topic can be anything.

Voice your opinion! See the top of this blog post for how to contact us.


FMSD Brunch Social

Hey Folks! We'd like to start organizing a monthly FMSD Brunch Social this month, if anyone has suggestions for venues I'd be happy to hear them!

If you have a venue that you like, let us know! See the top of this blog post for how to contact us.

Friday, February 3, 2017

Why Knot? - FMSD Discussion

Doriam Manuel Couto invites you:

Thursday, February 9 at 7 PM - 10 PM

Joyce Beers Community Center
3900 Vermont St, San Diego, California 92103

An image from a past FMSD discussion.

Join us on February 9th at Joyce Beers Community Center from 7:00pm to 9:00pm as we reinvent our Discussion Group format.

This discussion feeds into our skills workshop later this month - G-ROPE (Gents in Rope)!

We'll be discussing the nuances involved with tying male bodies, techniques that are essential for safe play, and answering all of your questions about rope bondage before our workshop on the 22nd. Use this time to ask your questions, meet other men interested in this form of play, and share your experiences!

The discussion will be co-led by Doriam and Jerry, and a small panel of other riggers prominent in the Rope Community of San Diego.

Gents in Rope (G-ROPE)! An FMSD Workshop

Doriam Manuel Couto invited you:

Wednesday, February 22 at 7 PM - 9 PM

Joyce Beers Community Center
3900 Vermont St, San Diego, California 92103

Cost: $5 suggested donation

An image from a past FMSD rope workshop.

You've asked your questions, and I'm sure you have many more! Join us at Joyce Beers Community Center on February 22 from 7:00pm to 9:00pm for this month's Skill Workshop - G-Rope (Gents in Rope)!

This class will cover two ties and will reserve approximately 1.5 hours for practice time and Q&A.

If you have someone you intend to play with, great! If not, please show up with an attitude of Brotherhood, and a willingness to fumble alongside your fellow brothers. We were all new once, so let's support one another and enjoy learning to tie something more than our boots!

Never tied anything besides your laces? Never seen a piece of rope in your life? Never fear, please reference the Q&A below!

• What should I bring?

1. Yourself & Your ID
2. Rope-friendly clothing (Nothing too lose or too restrictive)
3. A friend (because it's always better that way!)
4. Rope
5. Safety Scissors/Seatbelt Cutter

• What if I am brand new?

We understand that most people will be new; if you are interested in tying please review this video, covering how to tie a Somerville Bowline. If you are interested in being tied, we still recommend you know how to tie and identify this safety knot.

• Where can I buy rope?

For starter rope, we recommend nylon and you can find bundles of Nylon Rope at Wal-Mart, Home Depot, etc. We will also have bundles of rope available for purchase at the event. For this event, we recommend 4 lengths of 25'-30'.

• Can I bring regular scissors?

Please don't. Surgical scissors and seatbelt cutters are ideal for this type of play in the case of an emergency. Rope is replacable, people are not.

• What if I don't have a partner to tie with?

We ask that all attendees come with the willingness to tie and be tied by someone they may not know for the sake of education. We will also try to have experienced Riggers and Rabbits available.

• Where does the donation go?

None of the proceeds go to our leadership or instructors. Instead, proceeds go right back in to future events, workshops, and classes.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Events For This Weekend: FMSD Planning Meeting

Monday, January 16th, 7-9PM, at Joyce Beers Community Center in Hillcrest, near Ralph's Supermarket:

Fetish Men San Diego is hosting our planning meeting to codify the schedule of events for the next quarter.

Fetish Men San Diego is primarily a group of male-identifying kinksters who are looking for brotherhood, a social space, and interaction. This will be your chance to meet our new leadership team and have your voice and interests be heard.

We welcome your attendance and support in our growth. Come join us in establishing the future of FMSD.

Events For This Weekend: HARNESS

Friday, January 13th, 10PM, at Numbers Bar:


Every month, we have a kink gay men's cruising party, designed to entertain, and to mix the generations together.  Expect to see some demos of kinky behaviors, by well-respected practitioners!

Here are some photos from previous HARNESS events, where the men of FMSD have always been made very welcome:

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Events This Weekend

From Papa Tony:  Now that the holidays are behind us, local events are starting up again.  We have two events (at least) this weekend, with many, many more on the way.  Doriam has been setting up the social calendar for the last few weeks, and he'll have plenty to say about that, soon.

Flogging Friday at the Eagle: Friday, January 6, 9PM:

The best Flogging Tops will be at the Eagle this Friday, and throwing floggers around.  Come be a part of the fun, because you will be in very safe hands!

Cigars & Boots @ Redwing on the patio, Saturday, January 7, 4-7PM:

Doriam, with Pup Rubble

There will be quite a crowd on the patio, for several reasons:

- There will be a fundraiser for the Mr. Drummer Travel Fund, with pies being pushed into the faces of folks who you might know quite well (I'm one of them).  It's all good fun, and…

- This will be the general public's first chance to meet up with Doriam, who is taking over the reins of running FetishMenSanDiego.  He's a great guy, and needs to know who is willing to support him in his many dreams for the group's future.

Come on out!