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Saturday, March 30, 2013

My New Master's Cap

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.

My old "Master's Cap" has finally fallen apart, after 22 years.  Somehow, being sat-upon several times by a 265-pound leatherman wasn't working well for it. Go figure. The brim was cracked, and the lining gouged my shaved scalp, every time I wore it.

I wanted a new one, but a GOOD one. So, I went to and did some clicking around. Under "Specialty Hats", I found "Leather Caps - Silver Mylar".  As anyone who knows me will tell you, I have gotten more and more into "bling" as I have gotten older. So, I ordered the cap with all of the glittery chromed accessories.

It took about six weeks to arrive, since it was custom-made for my head. A buddy measured my head just above my ears, to make sure that it would be comfortable.  I wear my Master's Cap a LOT, being so active in the community, so I wanted to be sure that I wouldn't be leaving it to sit on a table while my head recovered. 

However, there was one additional detail that I wanted to add - The eagle crest is my own, very personal touch:

Most folks don't know this about me, but I used be BIG in the old-car-collecting hobby.  Among other things, I started the 8,000-member worldwide Online Imperial Club, my nickname among its entire membership is "Imperial Leader," I have owned thirty or so Imperials, and I used to drive this car in the Pride Parade every year:

If you look closely, you can see the same eagle in the center of the wheel covers.

So, I figure, if ANYBODY on earth is qualified to wear a 1964 Imperial Eagle crest (in this case, from between the back seats of a 1964 Imperial Crown Coupe), then it would be me.  Many folks will wonder where it is from - "Is that a NAZI EAGLE?" "Is that a PHOENIX?"  Somehow, in several decades, only three guys have guessed correctly.

While I was in the process of ordering a Master's Cap for myself, I also ordered one for a younger man who is taking ownership of his "Sir" status.  Being young, handsome and studly, he doesn't have to work so hard at being noticed, so he prefers a simpler, less-glittery cap-style.

I have taken him under my wing, and am teaching him the steps that can make him a very Effective Top.  After I have "signed him off" on what I consider to the the requisite skills, techniques and attitudes, then I will be officiating over a ceremony in his honor, where I will be publicly presenting him with his Master's Cap.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

For NON-San Diegans: An Invitation

Out of the many, many folks who get this newsletter, a good number of you don't live in the central San Diego area. 

The FMSD reader-base is now so big and so wide-spread that I believe that we can do an exciting new experiment:

If you don't live in the central San Diego area, send me your name, email and your zip code:

papatony @

I probably should ask for your city and state, too - In case I get swamped by the numbers. I will collate the data, spot the patterns, and then locate the guys who live close to each other. 

Then, I'll start getting you connected. 


Because people who get added to the list, and then STAY, have an enormous amount of good things in common. My writings tend to attract "Sweeties" - men who WANT to be nice, cooperative and affectionate, and have it always turn out well. 

I can't think of anything nicer than to have my friends get to know each other. FMSD is all about investing in true friendships that will last for the rest of our lives. If you hunger for that sort of thing in YOUR area, then let's get this party started!

Be sure to tell me if you are part of one of the new affinity-groups that are similar to FMSD.  Or, if you'd like to be a part of one in your area. 

FMSD started small, not so long ago. What if like-minded men in your area get together, and a fresh, modern, clean-sheet-of-paper, new-paradigm group takes off like a rocket-ship?

The movement to connect with each other on a meaningful, substantive level is accelerating. Let's turn up the heat!

How to Attract and RETAIN Younger Men in the Gay Leathermen's Community

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.

I'm hearing more and more rumbles of alarm among older gay leathermen in other cities...
"We're the core group of guys doing everything, and we're looking REALLY OLD right now. We don't have any club-members under the age of fifty or so, and when young guys show up, they look around, and the moment that the ten-minute bio-break arrives, they are GONE, and never return."
Down here in San Diego, we don't have that problem any more. Not whatsoever, finito. So, I'd like to explain why and how, for the benefit of my older brothers everywhere. It's not going to be fun for you, because it means that you will very definitely have to change your THINKING.

Let's start with some assumptions about younger gay leather/fetishmen:

- They don't care about traditions, or the past.
- They're just "kids" - unable (or unwilling) to be serious.
- Some day, they might be qualified to run things, once they get a few more decades under their belt.
- They will never be able to understand what our generation has gone through.
- They dress weird. Why can't they just get gear like mine, as is correct, proper and obvious to anyone?
- If they would just learn the only valid and RIGHT way to do things, I could take them more seriously.

I'll talk more about each one of these, but first, I want to talk about our hard-wired need to make such assumptions. These are all based upon using ourselves (the Old Guard) as the standard by which all else must be judged.

I've got bad news, and good news:


The bad news is, Old Guard as we knew it is D-E-A-D. It has been gone for a long, long time. We have been worshipping leftover vapors and spiderwebs from the old days. I say good riddance. I entered the deepest, darkest and hardest of the hardcore leather scene in 1977.  Yes, I miss it, but not as my biggest fetish any more. I have moved on, and I urge you to do the same. Life gets a lot better, I promise.


The GOOD news is, the new, NEW age has a vibrant, joyful, glorious and life-affirming role for us old codger graybeards. It is time for us to let go of the fucking football, and let someone with new perspectives, new energy, and new passions grab it and run, while we cheer from the sidelines. We can offer wisdom if it is asked for, but trust me - these guys can handle anything that comes at them, as long as they know that they can quietly call up the Wise, Trusted Uncles and get some private coaching.

Our job is to hand away everything (and yes, I mean EVERYTHING) to the younger guys, RIGHT NOW.  They aren't "the leaders of tomorrow", they are the leaders that we all desperately need this very moment, and the sooner that they are 100% in charge, the better everything will be, particularly for us older kinky males.

I'm going to talk about what I call the Four Stages of Leadership:

- Stage One: No leadership at all. You'll show up if it feels like you might get laid, or there is cheap beer.

- Stage Two: You decide to support other people's dreams.

- Stage Three: Quarterback with the ball. 99% of community leaders think that they are obligated to do this until they DIE, or burn out.

- Stage Four: Retired Coach/Tribal Elder. Nobody ever talks about it. But, it's crucial to allow others to replace us. The deep, satisfying wisdom that you have gathered is a huge, wonderful blessing that you can share. So concentrate upon being the sage, treasured asset that you were always destined to be. You've got a gray beard and a belly, so quit pretending that it's bad to get older. People of all ages will love you THIS way, too. I promise. I'm more popular now (and eagerly sought-after), like I never have been before.

In the time that my generation has grieved for days and friends that are long gone, several new generations have been patiently waiting for us to notice them, love them, and help them along their path toward wisdom. IT'S OUR FAULT that they haven't been getting the nourishment and "extra helpings" that they need in order to start fitting in better.

If we step back and make quiet, catty comments about the new, shy man who shows up in a harness, jeans and white tennis shoes, then we are being selfish and short-sighted. I hear the stories, and they are NASTY to listen to.  Talk to the younger recent IML winners and ask them for their horror stories. If they didn't already have excellent strength of character, they would have been lost to us.

Bitchy old men are a plague, so let's start out right away by making a promise to mend our ways. Use only positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement is what bullies use, so let's forbid ourselves to do that.

When somebody shows up "inappropriately dressed", then for goodness' sake, TALK to him, welcome him, introduce him to your favorite people and ask them to help him fit in. What if that same guy is under-employed in this crappy economy, lacks knowledge that he dearly desires from stand-up guys like YOU, and is eager to find out more, so that he can some day be a well-loved, respected, wise old man, also like you?

If you do reach out and invest in that eager stranger, then that same guy will move heaven and earth to transform his life to be more like his beloved role-models.

So, let's start talking about sexual attraction:


I mean it.  As gay males, we are encouraged at all times to use leather-male gatherings as "Lobster Tanks", where we get to pick and choose, based upon sexual attractiveness.


No, I don't want you to personally give up dating, tricking, marrying or whatever works at the moment. I just want you to stop assessing every new face at your events solely as potential fuckmeat, IF YOUR GOAL IS TO HAVE BETTER DAYS FOR THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY. This shallow perspective can lead me to dismiss wonderful guys just because they aren't my individual "type".

Instead, start thinking of each new face as "Potential Brothers in a Loving Tribe". I urge you to let go of distinctions based upon:

- Age
- Color
- Attractiveness
- Gear
- Body Style, or
- Experience Level.

If you then change your filtering system to track down the guys who excel in:

- Authenticity
- Full Self-Expression, and
- Kindness...

…then you're more likely to get more acceptance, brotherhood and satisfaction in your own life, and build a long-lasting community of true brotherhood.

In my own case, I am dedicated to gaining a support-structure to replace my dead brothers, lovers, friends and mentors (over 140 of them) who will never come back to me. Not all of them were "hot" to my tastes. However, they fed my soul, and in return, I fed theirs. Every man that shows up to your events has that same birthright.


(Young people) don't care about traditions, or the past.

Oh, they do, they do. If I talk about the Old Ways, I have a ready audience. They also want to share THEIR ideas that make THEIR dicks hard. The Internet has accelerated new and zany kinks into the public's awareness. We can see it as a threat to old values and traditions, or we can cheer while our lusty youth have a blast showing us what cranks their chains! Plenty of younger men are fiercely dedicated to Old Guard roles, traditions and protocols. Our wisdom will best be retained if we share it lovingly, freely and without any "gun to the head" obligations, or expectations about what they will do with it.

They're just "kids" - unable (or unwilling) to be serious.

This one is the worst, by far. In WHAT other human culture can we get away with calling a 27-year-old adult male a "kid"?  It's demeaning, dismissive and just plain fucking RUDE. Anybody who thinks that it is okay to cut off a younger male at the knees has some serious insecurities. Think twice and measure your words, grandpa. You have an enormous influence, so don't instantly squander away all of your credibility in such a thoughtless way. Words can hurt.

The fact of the matter is, just as with ALL age-groups, some individuals have a bright spark of special intelligence, wit and grace.  If we shut down ALL potential youth, we will never gain the benefits of attracting the very best ones. Let's identify them, welcome them, and stand shoulder-to-shoulder so that they can stand upon OUR shoulders.

Some day, they might be qualified to run things, once they get a few more decades under their belt.

Nope. No validity at all. How do I know? Because San Diego's Tribe has more going on than any other city, by far. The engine that causes us to average something between six and nine events per week (and no, that's not a typo) is driven by our idealistic, empowered, well-loved and phenomenally successful younger men. Nothing is going wrong - we're all thriving and sassy. It just keeps getting better.

They will never be able to understand what our generation has gone through.

Granted. However, do we want them to?  Really? Yes, the younger guys DO want to hear, learn and gain perspective from our stories, but criminy - Do we HAVE to always, exclusively keep whining about AIDS losses? We have to do the 2013 thing now, NOT the 1968/1978/1988/1998/2008 thing. As long as we keep our heads turned 180 degrees around upon our shoulders, staring toward the past, then we will continue to lose sight of what great stuff is everywhere, all around us RIGHT NOW.

They dress weird. Why can't they just get gear like mine, as is correct, proper and obvious to anyone?

Like I said earlier - They are BROKE. Take a good, close look at this picture:

Notice how young the demographic is trending here. In the back, there are affectionate, approving graybeards, and the younger guys ADORE us. See them smile.  You can't Photoshop "happy" into a picture. These guys are not tweaked out on some drug, and they aren't drunk. They are ecstatically happy because they have a treasured place in a Tribe that loves them.

The harnesses that they are wearing are new. They are inexpensively custom-made, ten feet to the left of the photo, by Anthony, who is cranking them out like pasta. Why is this important enough to mention? Because these young men want nothing more than to LIVE leather, not just WEAR leather. The floggers, paddles and bondage-ropes come out, and the younger guys show up with their tails wagging.

They VERY STRONGLY want to identify with a supportive, affectionate, life-affirming Tribe that welcomes them with open arms, and that never presents them with flaming hoops to jump through before being accepted. The pressure is coming from THEIR side, wanting very much to fit in, and be valuable to all of us. The inexpensive harnesses allow them to declare their Tribal affiliation for the whole world to see. The Langlitz gear will show up later, when the money comes in.

If they would just learn the only valid and RIGHT way to do things, I could take them more seriously.

Certainly!  If our intention is to cram the generations that follow us into a box that is shaped just like us.

Would YOU have liked to be forced to live your grandfather's life?

In summation:

As soon as I let go of my own bigotry (and yes, it is bigotry, when we pre-judge people from a distance without knowing them at all), then everything changed in our local community.  I had the same prejudices as many other men of our generation. I had to consciously let go of all of them.

This allowed the younger guys to let go of THEIR prejudices about older men:

- They're all "Hands and Glands".
- They are just "trolls", and if they aren't sexually attractive to younger men, then they are of no use whatsoever.
- They whine about how bad the old days were, and nothing else.

These are terrible assumptions to make, and we have all internalized them to a horrifying degree.

Instead, I assert that these younger men want to know that they have loving, approving and wise uncles who care deeply about their well-being and growth.  These younger men have energy, ideals, new perspectives and WISDOM OF THEIR OWN that we can all share without prejudice.

If anything that I've written gets through, let it be the concept that there is majesty and worth in every one of us. This has nothing to do with external factors. When somebody shows up at your events who is not like you, start with a hug, and assume that he could potentially be the future Club President who ushers in the Golden Age.  Don't leave him to sink or swim on his own.

If you do this, then your affinity-group will stay vital, lively, super-active and interesting as hell.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

5th Friday Men's Beat and Greet

5th Friday Men's Beat and Greet

Hosted by Bryan Teague - American Leatherboy 2010, Mike Underwood and PuP

Downtown San Diego Dungeon - Email for information - addresses below.

Friday February 15 8:30 pm - 1:00 am -- Doors close at 11:00pm!

The Friday Beat and Greet is usually held on the 3rd and 5th Fridays each month - 3rd Fridays open to all, 5th Fridays for men only

This event is open to people age 18 and above.

Soft drinks and water will be available at the dungeon, we are asking for $1.00 donation for each drink.

This social/ impact play event is for friendly people who would like to learn more about flogging, paddling and the like. We'll be demonstrating techniques on eager volunteers and curing the curiosities of those who have questions. Nothing too wild, just pleasantly kinky enough to bring a smile that lasts a while!

Please bring a flogger, paddle, cane or two with you, if you have one. This will help you learn with your own toys. If you do not have toys, we do have toys you may use.

Do not be intimidated by coming to a dungeon or being in the night life of Downtown San Diego, this event is open to all levels of experience, and beginners are particularly welcome. If you're new to this sort of thing, you can always trust that you'll end up with a positive experience. You'll be surrounded by very, very nice folks who have a lot of expertise and a deep level of trust with each other. We've been doing this a long time, and we like to share what we now.

This is not your typical BDSM event, it's not a fundraiser, a workshop, or a class really. Even though teaching and learning will be involved, Friday Night Beat and Greets are just a pleasant way to share some good times in a relaxed kinky setting. We all need to get the heck out of the house once in a while - why not hang out with some folks that enjoy doing what you enjoy doing?

There is no charge to attend the event, we just ask that you leave any Attitude outside the door, be playful and open-hearted!

Things to keep in mind for this event:
This event is held in a private space; however, you are responsible for your own actions at all times. Safety measures will be in place during the event. Please bring a valid ID and be prepared to sign a liability form. All information given will be kept confidential.

Because Dungeon Servitus resides within the confines of a residential and commercial building, we ask that you act and dress appropriately anywhere outside of the dungeon.

Anyone behaving in a manner that is considered inappropriate will be asked to leave the property and may not be allowed reentry for future events. The decisions of the Dungeon Servitus staff and hosts are final.

Please note a few things about the Beat and Greet:
1) The maximum capacity is 50 people. There is a chance you may be asked to wait until someone leaves before being permitted to enter.

2) In order to allow everyone a chance to try things, we ask that you limit your time on the play equipment to a short time. If there are people waiting, we may ask you to wrap up your time on the equipment after 10 minutes.

3) This is a community event that is hosted by members of the community. Membership in any club or organization is not required.

For more information about the Beat and Greets, please contact Bryan at info@

Upcoming Events, Minimal

I have four articles (so far) in the pipeline, hundreds of photos from LA Leather Pride 2013, and some AMAZING new breakthrough announcements to make.

Unfortunately, I am barely able to sit up right now. I am currently suffering from major food poisoning, and I'm seriously pondering going to Urgentcare. Nasty!

So, here is a brief, skimpy-ass newsletter so that folks can know what is coming up in the next few days:

Wednesday, March 27th, 7PM: Men's Discussions. After last week's successful kickoff of the RELATIONSHIPS series, the topic this week will be "RELATIONSHIPS: Our Fathers".  I'm urging everybody to play a little bit with the drama this time around. It'll be fun!

Friday, March 29 8:30 pm - 1:00 am -- Doors close at 11:00pm! 5th Friday Men's Beat and Greet, downtown.

Saturday March 30th, 8PM: Mr. Bear San Diego 2013 Contest at the Hole, at 2820 Lytton St.

Join us for a fun filled evening, as we choose the next Mr. Bear San Diego. The contest is graciously being hosted by The Hole and will be a benefit for this year's Bears San Diego Charities. Our good friend Empress Roxy Bleau will be emceeing the evening. The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence will perform a blessing.

Come on out and meet some of the hottest bears, cubs, otters etc. in San Diego!

Saturday March 30th, 10PM, at the Eagle, at 3040 North Park Way.

From Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013 Robb Rodd:

Robb wearing his stylish new Volgur shirt.  I plan to collect the entire set!

This will be our Red Light Party / Military Fetish Affair with a Celebration of my victory as Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013.. I am asking Papa Tony and anyone that would like to provide some demos through out the bar. Flogging, Spanking, even Shadow Box Sounding... If you are interested in participating please feel free to contact me at robnsd92104@ or call me at 619-817-9926. Looking forward in working with you all…

Tuesday, April 2, 7PM: Hands-On Demos at the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. These are utterly safe, relaxed and sociable opportunities to get better-acquainted with the kinky arts.  All are welcome, at all experience-levels.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Upcoming Events

I'm doing a slap-dash newsletter this week. As ALWAYS, as soon as I am about to leave for a mini-vacation (to Los Angeles Leather Pride from Thursday through Sunday), my clients all pile on me, demanding to give me money for services rendered! Darn them!  :->

Recent Articles

I've decided to start recording my long, LONG series of talks on the topic of "How to Be An Effective Top". I have posted my introduction to the series: Part One: Being a Man of the Community. I will also start posting YouTube videos on the same topic as time permits.

Future topics are expected to be on such subjects as Seduction, Physiology for Tops, Preparation, and more on the Four Phases of Training a Submissive: Establishing Trust, Finding the Buttons, Training, and Going for the Gold.  There's quite a bit more!  Hint: Comments and questions keep me motivated to keep going in a timely manner.

San Diego Upcoming Events

The discussion was officially long over, and nobody wanted to leave!

Wednesday, March 20, 7PM. The Men's Discussions are succeeding at every level, and we recently completed the "Please Understand Me" series.  Now, we are beginning a new series over the next month or so: "Relationships: All Types".  Lots to cover, so don't miss any of them!

Thursday, 10pm: Yellow Hankie Social Night at the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way

Friday, 10pm: Dress It Up/Strip It Down (Gear Night) at the Eagle

Saturday, 10pm: Underwear Party and Contest at the Eagle

Los Angeles Upcoming Events

(These are events that I personally plan to attend - Full events listing for you energetic younger folks is here)

Today onward: THE ART OF DRUMMER, at the Antebellum Gallery at 1643 N. Las Palmas Ave in Hollywood.

Friday, March 22, 7-10PM, The Assembly at Rough Trade, at 3915 W Sunset Blvd

Friday, March 22, 9PM-1AM: Maximus Cigar Social at the Eagle LA, at 4219 Santa Monica Blvd

Saturday, March 23, 7-9:30PM: Mr. Los Angeles Leather 2013 Contest @ Circus Disco, at 6655 Santa Monica Blvd.

Audio Archives

I have shifted the Audio Archives to the TribalVibe with Papa Tony blog, where they belong. This is a good thing.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Upcoming Events

As always, check the 
FMSD monthly calendar-at-a-glance, which contains news about ALL known upcoming events.


Tonight: Wednesday, March 13, 7PM: Men's Discussion. Topic: Please Understand Me, Part Two

Thursday, March 14, 9PMRed Hankie Social Night at the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way.  This one is special - I have been invited to demonstrate (and coach) on the topic of Spanking and Paddling. The line forms on the left!

Friday, March 15th, 10PM: STUD Night at the Eagle, featuring local hottie Caleb Colton.

Saturday, March 16, 1-4PM: San Diego Rodeo and Mr. SD Eagle 2013 Easter Bike Fundraiser, hosted by Mr. San Diego Leather 2011 Kurt and Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013 Robb Rodd. This is also the case with...

Saturday, March 16, 9PM-12 Midnight: SAN DIEGO EAGLE BIGGEST BONNET and BASKET CONTEST: This is not your average underwear contest. It's open to Men, Women, Trans, Puppies, Sirs, Drag Queens, Bears, Cowboys, Leather Dykes, Leather Daddies, Queers, Divas, bois, boys, The Sisters, your Momma.

Saturday, March 16, 9:30PM: LL Bear Dance Party at Rich's, at 1051 University. It's SINGLET NIGHT!

Tuesday, March 19, 7PMHands-On Demos at the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way - Learn, play, bond with friends!

March 17-24:  LOS ANGELES LEATHER PRIDE. Download the program here, and the really fun stuff starts on Thursday the 21st, which is why a whole bunch of us will be up there!

Saturday, March 30, 8PM: Mr. Bear San Diego 2013 Contest at the Hole, at 2820 Lytton St.


Details are sketchy, but I believe that Boy Kevin (Sir Nicholas' boy), and the host of Red Hankie Social Night, is starting up Leather Boys of San Diego.  I will be watching for updates very closely!


Review of Gear Invasion of Mo's Universe - Jolly, and super-effective.  The team got the job done!

The pictures from February's inter-club gathering, featuring our brothers from San Francisco, Los Angeles and Palm Springs have now been posted.  Check them out here.

STUD Night at the Eagle

Third Friday of each month: 10:30PM at the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way.

The Eagle's monthly STUD Night event is where a local porn model gets introduced to the crowd, gets interviewed, hands away porn and answers questions (and possibly performs). Always entertaining, always moves along briskly.

Mr. Bear San Diego 2013 Contest

Saturday, March 30, 8PM at the Hole, at 2820 Lytton St.

Join us for a fun filled evening, as we choose the next Mr. Bear San Diego. The contest is graciously being hosted by The Hole and will be a benefit for this year's Bears San Diego Charities. Our good friend Empress Roxy Bleau will be emceeing the evening. The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence will perform a blessing.

Come on out and meet some of the hottest bears, cubs, otters etc. in San Diego!

San Diego Rodeo and Mr. SD Eagle 2013 Easter Bike Fundraiser

Saturday, March 16, 1-4PM:

The San Diego Rodeo is teaming up with the Leather Community to raise money to buy bicycles for The Imperial Court de San Diego's Annual Easter Egg Hunt. The Leather Community historically has stepped up to do an event every year for this cause.

I want to make this bigger and better and more accessible for everyone, so we are doing two events in one day on Saturday March 16th.

BALBOA PARK BBQ and KICKBALL TOURNAMENT from 1P - 4P: Donation of $15 per person gets you all-you-care-to-eat burgers and dogs, cold salads and dessert. Sodas and water will be available for sale on-site. The grills will fire up at 1PM for a couple of hours, then we will have a crazy fun kickball tournament starting at 2:30PM-ish. Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013 Robert will be the Commissioner of Kickball and herd you cats into teams. Prizes for first and last place and best kickball cap (decorate your baseball cap for Easter or whatever you like). We will also have a 50/50 Guess the Jelly Beans Contest. (exact location in Balboa Park TBA).

SAN DIEGO EAGLE BIGGEST BONNET and BASKET from 9P-12M: This is not your average underwear contest. It's open to Men, Women, Trans, Puppies, Sirs, Drag Queens, Bears, Cowboys, Leather Dykes, Leather Daddies, Queers, Divas, bois, boys, The Sisters, your Momma.

The fun starts at 9PM for us 050 people (over 50) and for the BASKET Contest you can pack anything into any garment you look hot in and show off that basket. Real dick, silicone dick, pumped dick, banana, softball, dog bone, a roll of quarters, you make it your own. The BIGGEST BONNET will be a separate contest and you can simply decorate a baseball cap, cowboy hat, stocking cap, shave your head and glue dried pasta to it, be creative. Entry donation for either contest is sliding scale and we will have a bucket for you to drop $ into when you sign up at The Eagle. Contest Sign up Sheet Volunteer will be staffed at the Barber Chair. We will start the contests at 10PM.

All donations from both events will go to purchase bikes and Easter baskets and items needed by The Imperial Court de San Diego. Reminder their Community Egg Hunt event is at Trolley Barn park on Easter Sunday.

If you can volunteer for the BBQ event contact Kurt, Vice President of the SD Rodeo at If you can help at the Eagle event, please contact Robert Rodriguez, Mr. SD Eagle 2013 at

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Review of Gear Invasion of Mo's Universe

Photos by Scott Smith, who is becoming quite the Event Photographer!

Aaron and Boot Boy Scotty

From Mr. San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron:

Last night's Gear Invasion was incredible. We are leathermen. We do not define it by the kinky activities we like to engage with one another, or by the gear we like to wear. It is what is in our hearts. We had many conversations with people in the greater LGBT community of San Diego, and educated them on the many facets of the leather community. 

Our brother James in Afghanistan. 
He organized this similar event just 
before shipping out to Afghanistan. 

Thank you to everyone who came along during our journey and a special thank you to the staff of the Mo's Universe restaurants for welcoming us. To our leather brother James, AKA Corium-puer Jacobus, this is for you buddy. I was so glad to honor your request and facilitate this event while you are away. I can't wait to have my BLUF brother back in San Diego.

From Papa Tony:

Let's start right out with the most important point:


This is big news.

In my time as a Flogging Top, I have learned about what I call "The Zone". This means, when I'm done flogging somebody, I've learned to look around me.  JUST close enough not to get hit by the flogger flying around, but not so far that they won't get noticed, the men with the big, big eyes and hopeful smiles are standing inside The Zone. They are hoping to be invited to play.

If you don't LOOK for it, you won't see it, and the opportunity for mutual joy will be lost.

That's exactly how it was during the Gear Invasion of Mo's Universe. Only in this case, the attraction was a crowd of joyful, brotherly, warm and friendly fetishmen with obviously deep levels of affection between us. We were 180 degrees out from the stereotype of "I'm Hot And You're Not" Big Attitude Leather Queens. Instead of being a closed-down, hard-shell clique facing inward, our social circle was permeable and welcoming.

Interested men would gather closer, enticed by the camaraderie, and reassured by the friendly smiles. Then, I would pounce, as I tend to do, showing them pictures from recent events, and telling them of our thriving local Tribe.  It was actually funny to me, when several of them said the equivalent of "It's okay - I'm SOLD - Sign me up!"

Folks were READY to be welcomed into such a clearly successful, friendly Tribe. On a subconscious level, you can tell when men have invested in each other for a long time: holding each other close when we cry, chuckling at (and accepting) each others' foibles and frailties, and cheering-on each others' successes. Men who hunger for such male intimacy were lining up all around us.

Adding new, eager and motivated members to the FMSD list was like shooting fish in a barrel.

We started out at Baja Betty's, and were showered with affectionate attention by all of the staff. We were particularly pampered by our gracious bartender Tiger, who made sure that we got little extra "goodies" every few minutes.  We felt like celebrities, since nobody could merely walk by us without commenting, and always in a positive way.

Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013 First Runner-Up Derek, with Tiger, our splendid bartender.

An important point:  I'm old enough to remember when gay leathermen HAD to stay in a tight, self-protective cluster, because the culture around us was harshly judgmental, and quick to find fault. Thanks to the Internet, gay leathermen are FASHIONABLE nowadays. We are TRENDY.

In an area and a time when we live amongst younger folks with neck-tattoos, dreadlocks, earlobe plugs and other signs of Tribal affiliation, an honest-to-goodness, open and honest Gay Leatherman WINS for sheer Awesomeness Points in any crowd. Try it - You'll see.

I think that the current cultural shift is just dandy, thank you very much. More and more folks are realizing that kinky play is just Extreme Intimacy, thanks to Fifty Shades of Gray and the like. Rather than maintaining the "Us Against The World" attitude from the old days, the men of FetishMenSanDiego are now representing the Good Men of the Community… Admirable, respectable, honorable, lovable. That's certainly the way that we were treated by the folks around us. 

Then, we headed over to Hillcrest Brewing Company for some excellent pizza and beverages. I had a chocolate-coffee-flavored beer, and when I expressed delight, our waiter brought me the same beverage with vanilla ice cream, called the Mad Cow Milkshake.

Clearly, we didn't have 183 guys in our group, but frankly, we couldn't have handled more than five more guys in our group. There was no place to PUT us. Each place was JAMMED and noisy, but that also meant that plenty of friendly folks came up to us almost continuously, to talk and learn more.

We had JUST the right amount of friendly, warm and affectionate brothers to maintain the magic.

Then, we were off to Gossip Grill, which is our local lesbian bar. I didn't sign up any new members there, but it was easily the friendliest place to be. The women were keenly interested and welcoming.  I spoke to a lot of folks, and I'm pretty sure that if we had stayed longer, we would have been hugged by most of the regulars. We were CLEARLY really nice guys, and everybody likes that!

Final stop: Urban Mo's, for Country-Western Night.  I admit it: I showed off for my brothers, and for the crowd closely watching the leathermen in their midst. Even though I'm a six-foot-five, 270-pound, 57-year-old white male, I can dance as well as anyone in the building, and I threw some of my "Fancy Dan" moves into the mix while I two-stepped, shadowed, waltzed and line-danced in 32 pounds of dead cow apparel!

By this time, the men of our group had scattered throughout the DENSELY packed crowd, chattering away, answering questions, distributing hugs, being photographed with eager strangers, and being ambassadors for our Tribe. I had promised to get one more Group Photo, but it was hard to set up, since we were all so widely dispersed. Eventually, it came together, but things changed from moment to moment, as you can see in the pictures above.

We will DEFINITELY do this again. By encouraging a constant flow of new, energized and eager new brothers, our Tribe is constantly renewed. As I have mentioned before, each one of the men in our happy gathering acted as "titleholders for a day", representing how we can be, when we are at our very best.  Great job, men!

Friday, March 8, 2013

Update: March 8th & 9th, 2013

This is a rather big update - Almost an entire newsletter.  We've gone from nothing much happening every month, to being swamped with great stuff every week. We are greatly blessed!

The events in the next 36 hours are important, and culturally-deep.

- Tonight, Friday, March 8, 10PM: The HARNESS Party is CRUISY and CROWDED - If you don't have gear, no problem. Just take your shirt off and be a part of the swarm of happy, friendly men. 

That's Anthony on the left.

If you want to inexpensively get a harness custom-made right there at the party, Anthony Rollar will be happy to construct something special just for you, and it will FIT RIGHT.

- Tomorrow, Saturday, March 9, 7PM: Gear Invasion of Mo's Universe. Keep your gear handy, because we are the featured guests as we travel from Baja Betty's (starting at 7PM), then across the street to Hillcrest Brewing Company ("The First Gay Brewery In The World") from 8-9pm and Gossip Grille from 9-10. The last stop is Urban Mo's from 10-midnight, and we will be be shuttled (at no cost) across Hillcrest. Why? Because we are a VALUED demographic. Local businesses are sitting up and taking notice that we are a large, cohesive Tribe with CLOUT.

I plan to get a nice, BIG group photo, as a loving tribute to our brother James in Afghanistan whose big dream has been to create events like this one. Many thanks to Mr. San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron for setting this up.

Tomorrow, Saturday, March 9, 10PM:  For a cruisy night of dancing, come on down to Spin Night Club at 2028 Hancock St for a Battle of the DJ's:

Michael Mack presents ARRESTED featuring Ted Eiel vs Shane Stiel. You can't go wrong with either one - I love their styles!

For you younger folks, this is the ONLY "After Hours" bar in town.  Being old, I tend to turn into a pumpkin by midnight, but there is no reason why you shouldn't develop new relationships after Grandpa has gone to bed!

Recent Articles:

Rare, Yet Numerous… SWEETIE PRIDE!!! - I have figured out something very oddly wonderful about the men who show up most often at our events.

Review of Puppy Night, March 2013 - LOTS of wonderful pictures!

VOLGUR Apparel Launches

It has taken a while, but tonight's HARNESS Party (10PM at Numbers) will include the new t-shirts from VOLGUR.  I will be featuring them in a future article. I have several shirts set aside for me!

Review of Puppy Night, March 2013

Photos by Papa Tony (crappy iPhone) and Scott Donald of (really great equipment) - You can see (and download) his entire series of photos here.

The crew from Volgur was attending, 
promoting their new line of shirts for kinky men.
The birthday cake was great!

First of all, this event was designed as a 28th birthday party for our own Dayton O'Connor… publicized as a Birthday Debauchery. Well, it certainly was INTENSE, for sure:

After a good year and a half of close observation, I can definitely speak for Dayton's leadership skills. The party was well-planned, he directed the crowd with skill and charisma, and he debuted his hand-made fire-hydrant/beer dispenser to suit the theme of Puppy Night. The process of making it may be seen here.

Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013 Robb Rodd was bartending, wearing his new Volgur t-shirt.  I asked him to swivel his titleholder medal around, which explains the black "collar".

Puppy Night at the Eagle has changed quite a bit since the last time I was there (months and months ago).  First of all, it was a strikingly attractive crowd of young, boisterously frisky men, jammed into that tiny bar. I felt like a chunk of Prime Beef in a shark tank, and I don't usually get that feeling. I must have been hugged at least seventy times.  Evidently, Puppies like big hairy Daddies! Who knew?

I see myself as a Grandpa for the community, so I wasn't there to "interview new talent", but if that had been my goal, it would have been no problem at all. I know at least ONE talent-scout for a local porn-video studio was working the crowd last night. He must have been having an easy time of it, because those boys are CUTE.

Gift items were raffled off, entertaining things were said and done, and the evening fairly flew by.  You know those times where you show up to an event, and you want to chew off one of your limbs because  it's so BORING?  Well, this was the OPPOSITE.  It was endlessly fun, sociable, friendly as all hell, and the woofing and howling continued through the night.  Those puppies get boisterous!

Every time that Dayton spoke to the crowd, the men went went SILENT. As in, really silent. That takes an enormous amount of force of personality. Charisma. He's got bucket loads of personal magnetism, and he uses it casually.

Yes, that is a wagging Puppy Tail, 
and you'll NEVER GUESS how it is attached! 
Incidentally, it is VERY RUDE (and painful) to yank a Puppy Tail. Don't do it!

In honor of Dayton's birthday, I was invited to flog him with an INTENSE playtoy.  You know the dog-tags that military folks wear, with the metal beaded chain?  Now imagine that exact same metal chain, in multiple strands, with a wooden handle. Dayton's birthday wish was to experience this highly-advanced device at my hands.

I warmed him up with my regular Mop Flogger (soft and thuddy - no sting whatsoever), and worked him up to the hardcore metal flogger.

He never flinched, not even once.

He handled it superbly, but I made him EARN every bit of his newfound Heavy Player status.

After I had taken him as far as I felt was necessary, I requested that our photographer Scott Donald come closer for the "Money Shot".  I rarely "rough up" somebody's skin when I play with them for the first time.

However, since Dayton was now rosy-red from the intense flogging, I ordered him to lay flat on the ground, and asked my good friend Brian (who had the right kind of boot-soles) to step HARD on Dayton's back. It took a few tries, but we got the Ultimate Shot for Dayton's Memory Book, showing the white boot-print on a red, red back.

He earned it, and he should have a "trophy" keepsake so he can brag later on with his friends.  I do this a LOT.

In conclusion, this was how things work, when they are planned out well. Dayton did the necessary work beforehand, and it SHOWED. The whole evening went like a well-oiled machine of pure entertainment. I was proud to be a part of it!

I will be demonstrating "Spanking and Paddling" this upcoming Red Hanky Night at the Eagle, starting at 10PM on Thursday, March 14th.  If you're interested, just march right up to me and say so!