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Thursday, January 31, 2013

ARRESTED PARTY - Our Demographic Gets Pursued

In San Diego, we have several monthly events that cater to masculine gay males:

- BearNight Dance at Numbers (first Saturday of the month). Run by Chris Vance. VERY well-established. Plenty of fetishmen show up. Tends to be jammed and cruisy.

Harness Party at Numbers (second Friday of each month). Run by Cub Club SD. This means that it is endorsed by local fetishmen, and it's a Tribal event. Not a "dance" event - It's heavily social and friendly. A night for "leather men, porn stars, muscle daddies, tattooed guys, pups, otters, wolves, and cubs." Leather gear is highly encouraged, especially harnesses. Our own Mr. SD Leather 2010 Anthony crafts new, custom leather gear for folks in the corner.

LL Bear dance party (third Saturday of the month). can be hit-or-miss, depending on who is producing that month. Any time that CubClub SD shows up, it gets really fun, really fast. Otherwise, it tends to be a typical RICH's event.


So, now we are being courted by Michael Mack and the crew at Spin Nightclub at 2028 Hancock St, down near MCRD. They want our business:


- Arrested Party at Spin (Second Saturday of each month)

I plan to attend their event on February 9th to check out the venue. Since Dangilo (one of the superb producers with Cub Club) will be involved, I KNOW that they are building this the right way.

That particular nightspot location has some nice advantages as a venue for events catering to our crowd:

- It's BIG.

- It's multi-level, with multiple places for demos and socializing.

- They are ready to deal with us, unlike some more jaded viewpoints at other venues.

I invite my brothers to ride-share with me.


James Checks In From Afghanistan


Back on November, a week before he shipped out to Afghanistan, our own leatherboy James decided to host a geared-up dinner in a non-traditional space. It went very well.


Since then, our James is in constant contact with many of us here in the USA, thanks to low-cost (or free) Internet connections. He is on a constant personal-growth trajectory, even though he's 10,000 miles away:


He is making many courageous, life-affirming decisions about how his life is going.  At the beginning of each one of our 7PM Wednesday Men's Discussions, he sends me a text-message, sending his best to the men who meet for personal growth and sharing of wisdom. He is hungry for the same sort of loving support in his life, and is not afraid to ask for it.

Upper arrow shows "TMI" with a circle and slash over it, 
indicating that we are encouraged to share freely, without shame or fear.
Lower arrow shows James's video, playing on my iPad.


This time around, he has asked me to play a video at last night's discussion.  With his permission, I am posting it here, for you to enjoy. He is passionate, inspired, and makes declarations that are very powerfully expressed. Thirteen minutes of joy!

James recently shifted to a second, kinkier Facebook page, if you would like to follow his growth and share some friendship. He's worth it. I probably interact with him for at least an hour a day, if either one of us has time. I'm always rewarded with a better, closer brotherhood that I treasure as a prize in my life.


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Forcing History Forward, and RIGHT AWAY (this weekend)

This weekend is a breakthrough... something wildly Tribal and REAL, and if you miss it, you're going to regret it. 

4-7PM Saturday, February 2nd, at Bourbon Street: Cigars & Boots


Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012, Eli

Featuring some very special guests: We will be honoring Eli, the outgoing Mr. San Diego Eagle, who has earned our respect many, many times over. The list of his accomplishments will be read by the men who are running to replace him as Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013 in two weeks. This is all about establishing continuity in our Tribe's history. Please come out and show love and approval for our brothers who are stepping up to declare their intention to improve the community.


Me with International Mr. Leather 1988 Mike Pereyra at Palm Springs Desert Pride 2012

Our VERY SPECIAL GUEST will be Mike Pereyra, who represented San Diego when he won the title of International Mr. Leather 1988, 25 years ago. This will be his first return to the public stage in our town in decades. He is a dear, sweet man. Let us show him love, and welcome him back in fine style!


9:30PM Saturday, February 2nd, at The Eagle: 
Biggest Gear Night in the San Diego Eagle's History

If you have gear (even just a harness), you will want to get there early. THERE WILL BE A LINE OUTSIDE, and men in gear will be moved to the front of the line. Yes, I WILL be organizing a Group Photo.

Our brothers from the statewide California B&B Corps will be our honored guests. Let's show them how happy, affectionate, and unified all of our events can be, but while JAMMED NUT TO BUTT IN GEAR.

Fuckin' WOOF!


So, Tell Us About The Back-Story…



As I have mentioned before, we will be hosting wonderful men from San Francisco, Palm Springs and Los Angeles this weekend. They are our brothers from the Old Guard-oriented California B&B Corps. They are coming to our town for a statewide convention for the very first time. Why? Because San Diego's Tribe is legendary. That is not hyperbole. It is a fact.

Our city is riding the tip of the wave of cultural change. We are smashing old records on a constant basis, and shocking the worldwide leathermen's community with our ever-increasing numbers. While other cities are losing old-line clubs and leather bars, we are vibrantly thriving and CHANGING on an ongoing basis. We are a moving target, and that is a good thing. Stagnation has been the cause of too many endings in our Tribe. Flexibility and risk-taking keep us moving forward.

Our brothers (and sisters) all around us are keenly interested in how we do what we do. So, we are continuing to get visits from many cities on a formal and informal basis. This trend is increasing.

The jungle drums of news, gossip, feedback, excitement and other information flying around tell me that we are ready for the next unstoppable push. RIGHT NOW.

So, let's just go for it. I'm ready.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Upcoming Events

As always, check the FMSD monthly calendar-at-a-glance, which contains news about ALL known upcoming events.


RECENT ARTICLES



Check Presentations, January 2013. Our own Aaron, Glitz and Anthony present 
checks totaling $6,899.00 to the two charities that benefitted from the HUGE fundraiser Aaron and his superb team hosted at the Center on Sunday, December 2, 2012.

Lisa Ling's 'Our America' Explores BDSM In 'Fifty Shades Of Kink' - poor dear: she is so turned-on, but she could never admit it on national television. Too many people would pour shame upon her for being honest.



TRAILER: Interior. Leather Bar. Back in November 2011, a whole bunch of us gathered at the North Park Birch Theater to watch Al Pacino in the classic gay leatherman-as-bad-guy movie CRUISING. This new movie by James Franco explores what actually happened during the forty minutes of film that were cut and lost forever.



SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX

Starting on Wednesday, January 30th, the Men's Discussions will be ALL ABOUT SEX, in an ongoing series. As a subculture, we are still really messed-up on the topic. We're still carrying around shame and guilt from our upbringings and the culture around us, fear of intimacy, and even pressure from our peers to make us stick to the standard narrative. We have been the "sexual outlaws" for too long. The Internet has shown us that we are not alone, no matter WHAT jingles our jangles.


Isn't it way past time that we finally have this discussion and move forward?


So, we will be going very deep, honest and exposed. We will be making agreements beforehand to keep the discussions private, safe and supportive. We will peel back and reveal the secrets that we are afraid to tell our closest friends and loved ones. And, we will find out how much we all have in common as sexual creatures. The intent is to relax and be happier from this point onward, as a result of letting go of the shame.


Nobody will be allowed to "sit on the sidelines" during this session series. If you're there, YOU WILL SHARE. The intent is to build even more trust and true friendships, and we can't do that as a team of brothers if a few people are committed to holding back. The benefit will be that we can finally let go of our old baggage, among committed listeners and trusted friends. This can be the best thing to ever happen to our local Tribe.  Let's go for it!



TRUE DEDICATION TO FMSD


I never saw this coming. Our brother David got tired of shifting his FMSD lapel pin from garment to garment, so he just had the design tattooed onto his arm permanently!


UPCOMING EVENTS



Wednesday, January 23, 7PM: Men's Discussion - Topic: Spirit Guided Play, Presented by Tommy Starchild, who says:


Spirit and Spirituality mean many things to many people, combining Leather with Spirituality is not something new. Leather play touches on the orgasmic spiritual connection with yourself, others, and unseen forces outside ourselves. Sometimes in our day to day we get rubbed the wrong way. Is it really the wrong way, or is it the Spiritual nudge we need to grow? Why am I called left or right brained, and what does that mean exactly? Is my deeper self integrated or influenced by my physical and social self? How can I get me some of the incredible hot sex? Spirit Guided Play will take a look and these and other questions about the crossroads of leather play and spirituality.


This weekend is about geared-up fun!

Friday, January 25, 7-11PM: Graphite Social: A Benefit for the Museum of the Living Artist. Our crew is being courted more and more by the arts community, such as with last week's Project 50 Photo Shoot (it was a blast - pictures and story coming up), and the FMSD Community Gear Shoot we had in September. This event is not so much AIMED at us, but we are warmly invited to add some personal style and flavor among appreciative, creative people while artists draw nude models, and performers entertain.


Friday, January 25, 10PM: Dress It Up/Strip It Down at the 
Eagle, at 3040 North Park Way. Gear up, or, if you prefer, get scanty and provocative!

SaturdayJanuary 26, 10PMLunar Leather Gear Night at Pecs Bar, at 2046 University Ave, and...



SaturdayJanuary 26, 10PMUnderwear Party and Contest at the San Diego Eagle, at 3040 N Park Way. Hosted by our own Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012 Eli for the very last time before he steps down.  Let's make it memorable for him! Here is a review I posted a while back...

Later…



Leather Journal 25 Year Recognition Dinner, Feb. 14 - Here in San Diego, kicking-off the Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013 Contest Weekend! If you want to meet the very finest folks around, this is your best chance.

Feb 22-24: West Coast Rubber 2013 in Palm Springs - Get your weekend package NOW, to save money!

Graphite Social: A Benefit for the Museum of the Living Artist


A Benefit for the Museum of the Living Artist

Artists, art enthusiasts and their friends are invited to the Graphite Social being held at the Museum of the Living Artist, 1439 El Prado in Balboa Park on January 25, 2013 from 7-11 pm.


The event will feature four performers from the "Drop Dead Dames," a local burlesque review company, as they perform and pose for artists and their friends. The evening will also include the creation of live portraits by True Delorenzo and David Goff, two talented local artists and great music provided by DJ Dan Polluck of Theory Craft.  Attendees will have the opportunity to draw, or observe the drawing by local artists, of life models who regularly pose for the San Diego Art Institute in a program called Art Gym San Diego.

This fun social event, appropriate for ages 21 and above, costs $15 per person. This includes two drinks, light appetizers and art supplies for drawing.

For additional information and to make reservations, which are required, contact Shaunna Witt, 619.208.3768 or Lesley Cortez, 619.957.9032.

Members of the local media, who are covering the event, may arrange for free admission by contacting Ms. Witt.

Check Presentations, January 2013

On January 16th, 2013, Mr. San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron presented checks totaling $6,899.00 to the two charities that benefitted from the HUGE fundraiser he and his superb, effective team hosted at the Center on Sunday, December 2, 2012:


Here was the publicity leading up to the event.

Here was the call for volunteers.

Here was my review of the event, which was an overwhelming smash success, as the pictures clearly show.


On the left: Jesse (AKA Glitz Glam) and Mr. San Diego Leather 2010 Anthony, with Mr. San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron holding the check.

I wasn't there, so I don't have the names of the four highly photogenic younger senior staff members at the Center on the right. They proudly facebooked this photo minutes later, to say thank you! 

Ruth Henricks of Special Delivery was delighted to accept the donations that support their mission:

Our Mission: To alleviate hunger and malnourishment, in medically home bound people and people living with AIDS, cancer and other critical illness. Fresh, wholesome food is prepared, infused with love and home-delivered to feed both the body and soul. 

Appreciation Brunch for Emperor Tom and Empress Ajax

Sunday, Feb. 10, 11AM:



BRUNCH EVENT TO HONOR AND RECOGNIZE THE 40TH ELECTED EMPEROR AND EMPRESS OF THE IMPERIAL COURT FOR AN AMAZING YEAR OF SERVICE

Please join with others from throughout the greater San Diego community to honor the 40th Elected Reigning Emperor and Empress of the Imperial Court de San Diego, [ fill in the proper title]        Mr. Tom Dickerson and Her Most Imperial & Catholic Majesty, The Ruby Empress, Ajax the Red, to honor and recognize them for a truly amazing year of heart and service.

The brunch will be held in a casual location appropriate for conversation and laughter and a nice meal together to celebrate their accomplishments and to share the joys and the miseries of the past year with our dearest Tom and Ajax.

Everyday weekend casual wear…no gowns, sleeves or crowns required!

Please note that this event has limited seating.  We encourage you to register early.

Questions?  Contact your hosts, Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather, Aaron Duke (aaronbduke @ yahoo.com) and Wish (wish.email @ cox.net)

Leather Journal 25 Year Recognition Dinner, Feb. 14


(Note from Tony: For decades, the Leather Journal has been the best, highest-quality way to stay connected with the Leather/Fetish community of the western half of the United States. Dave Rhodes is one of those rare characters who just keeps GOING, rather than burning out and dropping away. Dave and I have been friends for many years. He is a fine, fine man, whom I admire deeply.

Here is a quote from LA Pride a couple of years back:


"Dave Rhodes is the publisher, editor and owner of The Leather Journal, which was founded in 1987; however, his work extends beyond the leather community. Dave is committed to remembering the past and sharing it with others to further social acceptance. He has played a selfless part in serving the LGBT community through a variety of publications that support common goals.

Dave is an example of an individual whose hard work, commitment and inclusiveness has made a tremendous impact on building bridges between the LGBT community and their allies."



From: Wish Linda

6PM, Thursday, February 14, 2013

At the Village Kitchen, at 4853 Newport Ave



DINNER GATHERING TO HONOR DAVE RHOADES AND 25 YEARS! OF THE LEATHER JOURNAL
The Leather Journal is Turning 25 Years Old!  Can you believe it?  For twenty-five years Dave Rhoades has been sharing the happenings, events, people, trends and HISTORY in the Leather community.  Can you even imagine the stories he has to share?

Please join Mr. San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron Duke and Ms. San Diego Leather 2012 Wish for a gathering in Dave Rhoade’s honor for 25 amazing years of leather community services.  Oh…and stories!





Please join Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather 2012, Aaron Duke and WishLinda in celebrating and recognizing Dave Rhoades and 25! years of The Leather Journal's service to the community.

All proceeds from the event will go to benefit the Leather Cares Coalition Help Fund ("A Project in Development to Implement a Help Fund for San Diego Community Members in Need") and the Leather Foundation.

West Coast Rubber 2013 in Palm Springs, Feb 22-24


Patrick Hediger
ruffropes @aol.com
818-422-9405

WEST COAST RUBBER WEEKEND AND MR. WEST COAST RUBBER CONTEST TO BE HELD FEBRUARY 22-24, 2013 IN PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA

West Coast Rubber will present the 7th annual West Coast Rubber Weekend in Palm Springs, California Friday, February 22 Through Sunday, February 24th at the newly-renovated Skylark Hotel. The weekend event will be host to approximately 100 rubber and gear enthusiasts from the U.S., Canada and has welcomed players from as far as Germany and Australia.

The festivities kick off on Thursday for early arrivals with a casual rubber invasion night to dinner, or the local street fair.

Friday night offers the opening cocktail party, Tool Shed Bar night, and after hours gear party.

Saturday is the height of the weekend with the popular afternoon pool party, gummi nosh dinner and the 2013 Mr. West Coast Rubber Contest. Judges for the contest at this time include Jason Lynch, Mr. International Rubber 2013 and Brian Conway, co-owner/Producer of Thunder in the Mountains leather event and Producer of the Rocky Mountain Leather SIR/boy and Community Bootblack contests. This year's contest will be a poolside cocktail event. There are more meals and events around the pool and gear events. For a full listing of the weekend's events, visit our site.

Alex Lindsay, American Leatherman 2009, local BDSM/Fetish Community organizer and lead co-founder of West Coast Rubber says "West Coast Rubber is the longest, biggest, winter getaway rubber party.  Get out of the cold, get into the sun, get your rubber on, and get your rocks off!  Palm Springs is waiting for you!"

The full weekend package cost is $99. After purchasing the package, a hotel code will be sent to book at the Skylark hotel at a special West Coast Rubber rate. Those purchasing the package on or before January 31st, will receive a very special, seriously reduced hotel rate.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Upcoming Events


As always, check the FMSD monthly calendar-at-a-glance, which contains news about ALL known upcoming events.


Busy, busy week for me, and it's my own damn fault:

I'm having a ROCKING good time, mentoring and investing in friendships. Our Men's discussions have shifted into an amazing new phase, and the resulting explosion in brotherly intimacy is causing me to have long, LONG conversations with my new friends, who are well-worth the investment.

I need to find a balance between friendship-building-time, and newsletter-time! What a wonderful problem to have...

RECENT ARTICLES



Looking for a Sir? Advice From One Who Knows. A study from around fifteen years ago discovered that a submissive male who wanted to be collared by a respected, experienced Sir has a FOUR PERCENT chance of finding one. I've never seen any reason to doubt that figure. Here is how to improve your chances, NOW.

Going Deep, Gaining Friends, Blossoming Forth - review of recent Men's Discussions.


Review of Jan. 11 HARNESS Party. Pics and everything. PURE JOY. Really.


Photos From Palm Springs Leather Pride 2012. Here is the direct link to the photos. This picture is my favorite, showing me with my slave bob and my boy Ray.


UPCOMING EVENTS

FRIDAY:


Beat and Greet, downtown.

SATURDAY: 

Project 50 Photo Shoot. 3-9pm, Saturday, January 19.
Here is the newest update from the photographer:

Really it's all pretty loose and I will shoot everyone who shows up so they shouldn't worry too much about RSVPing. Also, it's open to any gay guy over 50 not just fetish guys so kink is not a requirement but it certainly adds some spice to the shots. Thank you so much for getting the word out. It's looking like I will be able to finally reach my goal of 50 guys and maybe even surpass it.

Let Them Eat Cake – Mr San Diego Leather 2012 Aaron Duke’s Birthday Celebration (4-7PM, Babycakes, 3766 5th Ave). Just a fiesta of love and Tribal joy!

LL Bear Dance Party, 9:30PM at Rich's. I will be there, signing-up new FMSD members. It's like shooting fish in a barrel!


SUNDAY:

The Titleholder Boot Camp (11am-6PM, at the San Diego Eagle, 3040 N Park Way) is NOT going to take up the entire day, as you might have previously assumed.  Here is the update from Aaron:

"I blocked off that amount of time, because I didn't know how long their presentation would be. After getting their presentation (it will likely be 2-3 hours at the most), Eli and I are going to encourage everyone to go to the Hole afterwards and socialize with our out of town guests. Mostly, it will be the LA guys doing the presentation, but a few locals have been invited to talk."

WEDNESDAY THE 23RD:


Men's Discussion: Spirit Guided Play, Presented by Tommy Starchild, who says:

Spirit and Spirituality mean many things to many people, combining Leather with Spirituality is not something new. Leather play touches on the orgasmic spiritual connection with yourself, others, and unseen forces outside ourselves. Sometimes in our day to day we get rubbed the wrong way. Is it really the wrong way, or is it the Spiritual nudge we need to grow? Why am I called left or right brained, and what does that mean exactly? Is my deeper self integrated or influenced by my physical and social self? How can I get me some of the incredible hot sex? Spirit Guided Play will take a look and these and other questions about the crossroads of leather play and spirituality.


SATURDAY, JANUARY 26TH: Lunar Leather 2013!

A new Gear Night has been planned, starting at 10PM at Pecs.  Let's show Zach that his idea is a great one!

Lunar Leather 2013!


From California Leatherboy 2012 Zach:

Zach and his puppy Cockpit.

10pm-2am, Saturday, January 26th, 2013 is the first full moon of the year! So let's gear up for it! Leather looks sexy in the moonlight!

I'm going to be at Pecs Bar, at 2046 University Ave.

Review of Jan. 11 HARNESS Party

The HARNESS Party last Friday at Numbers is EXACTLY what I promised a few days before:
The HARNESS Party is here again, and I can't WAIT. When I show up, I feel like I am soaking in a brotherly culture of men who all want to find reasons to like each other. This monthly event is turning out to be a very accurate way to judge the overall health of our Tribe. It's social in the extreme… Not just a crowd of isolated, lonely individuals.  I wrote this recent review, and I MEANT every word. I predict that this one will be a big old swarming mess of fun, now that the holiday season is over...
The guys who showed up were READY for some playful, relaxed sociability:
It would be trivially easy to order people around, 
and tell them to "smile". This is the "posed" crowd photo 
from the recent HARNESS Party on January 11th.
Still, they seem amiable and brotherly enough.

This photo is 100% un-posed. Our photographer Chris
held the camera above his head in the darkness and went FLASH!
Same guys, grinning constantly because they CAN'T HELP IT.

In the old days, if you expected to attend a big bar event, you HAD to bring a hard-shelled clique of loyal friends, if you were to have any fun. You had to bring the fun WITH you, or else you were lonely, isolated and damn unlikely to break through into those exclusive social circles.

Now, since we have so many, many men who have learned to always trust what happens in our ongoing series of Guaranteed Safe Spaces, the mood gets ecstatically joyful, right away. The number of men attending is ever-increasing.  


I did "Market research" with every new face I saw. I would ask each man "How did you find out about this event?"  In every case, he would say "My friends here invited me". This means that they had so much fun last time, they gladly brought trusted friends. They vouched for the credibility of the event, because they knew that there would be a burst of happiness for their friend.


I would then always turn to his friends, and with him listening in, asked "Am I a good guy?" They would strongly assert that I was.  At that point, I would ask "Is my newsletter a good one?" and be rewarded with praise.  I would turn to the new guy and say "Would you like to be on my newsletter list?"  Who is going to say "NO!" at that point? Back in the Seventies, we vouched for each other as a matter of habit. It is now coming back strongly as the expected form of courteous behavior. Credibility matters a lot in the age of Internet flakes.


Our own Mr. San Diego Leather 2010 Anthony was there, creating custom-fitted harnesses, belts, armbands and the like.  These are NOT required fetishwear. We don't have a rigorous dress-code at events unless it is specified clearly beforehand. Instead, folks are gearing-up because it is a clear statement of Tribal affiliation. They BELONG, they are happy, and they are using an unmistakeable, non-verbal form of communication to make it plain.


The best part is that the old "clique" paradigm is going away fast. The social circles are now PERMEABLE. Nobody has any desire to stand off in a distance, feeling and looking lonely, pawing at a smartphone to see if anything better is showing up on Recon, Grindr or Scruff. I kept my eyes open for that, all night long. IT NEVER HAPPENED, NOT EVEN ONCE.  Men just dived in, and stayed in the closely-packed swarm. The crowd has become a constantly-shifting organism, dedicated to congenial exploration of new contacts.

As time goes by, I see trends:

- The crowds are growing steadily. It takes time to build a movement that is based on authenticity and credibility.
- The levels of shared, communal happiness and mutual trust are increasing.
- It's getting much, MUCH easier to invite men to join the FMSD list, and be a part of future events. I get turned down maybe once every four or five months now. We added 32 new FMSD members last week.

I can't imagine where we will be, even a year from now. All that I can do is to report back on what is shaping into the best years of our Tribe, ever.

Going Deep, Gaining Friends, Blossoming Forth

7PM every Wednesday.

A little over a month, ago, the weekly Men's Discussions were intentionally shifted into a more intimate, deeper and riskier path. We've had topics that have led to a good half of the men present crying at various times (not as a tragedy, or as a breakdown, or as a bid for sympathy, but as in catharsis). Men have felt safe enough to take some big chances, in order to finally tell secrets about themselves that have burdened them for decades.



As a result, in ALL cases, this scary gamble has paid off BIG, with everybody growing closer and closer as true friends. In the age of Internet social retardation, this is extremely valuable for the men who are ready to grow into their next phase. Men are "blossoming forth" on a constant basis - They are leaving old baggage behind, never to take it up again.


As a Tribe, WE NEED THIS. We need to be able to leave our burdens behind, individually and collectively. We just didn't have a safe space to get the process started, until thirteen months ago.  Now, the men who come out of those meetings with their heads held high, and their shoulders back, and a lighter heart, are the guiding-forces for the rest of the community at every event.

They set the tone for everyone else, which is why our events are ALL so damn JOYFUL.




At the first Men's Discussion that you attend, you will be shy and withdrawn, and nobody minds. This is normal, and we have all been there. Then, at the following discussions, you'll start sharing more and more, and nobody will shut you down, shame you, or act as though your words have no value. We are a mutual-support team of brothers, and we are not a closed-down clique.

If you're tired of how your life has been going, and hunger for a complete shift into a new, happier phase, then take a chance on the Men's Discussions. The more that you put into it, the more that you get out of it.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Looking for a Sir? Advice From One Who Knows

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.




this is being a little frustrating to be honest with you.. I didn't think it would be so hard to find someone that I felt attraction to who was into this..
I have a profile on recon.com but everyone I talk to there say they like me and they are looking for a slave/boi but when I ask to meet or exchange numbers they say they are too busy or they stop answering or they say they already have one.. but yet they are still logged in there..
.. thank you so much for letting me talk to your boi that night.. he was very helpful..
aside from that it was ok. didn't talk to that many guys but was interesting for sure.


Requesting such a relationship from strangers (as you have now learned) simply doesn't work.  That is because it is a deeper-than-usual relationship that you are requesting.

Back in the days when I made the mistake of creating an accurate, authentic Recon personal profile, I received A HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SEVEN requests like yours in the very first 24 hours of creating the profile. I received hundreds more (from every major continent) before I pulled the plug.

As a very high-status, ridiculously visible Sir/Daddy/Master/Dominant, I recognize that there are plenty of applicants for the position of Papa Tony's boy or slave. Hundreds of requests (with nothing other than sheer neediness behind them) simply become background noise. It's just how the human brain works.

I'm NOT in the market right now (my life is quite full), but I can give you the best possible advice:

You will ONLY achieve the most-effective results by becoming active in your local community.  In San Diego, it's a great idea to come to the Men's Discussions every Wednesday night, 7PM and letting yourself be known, not just as a submissive candidate for a relationship with a Sir, but as a great guy that your new friends can recommend.  It only works if you take the time and energy to build a solid reputation in a Tribe that wants to know what you are truly like.  Otherwise, you're just one of zillions, and nobody will notice you in the crowds.

One boy got in touch with his natural, honorable role as a Boot Submissive at last night's Men's Discussion. It rocked his world, and he was surrounded with approval. The Tops in the crowd noticed, too.
Your attractiveness rises:

- If you're willing to contribute to the success of various events (such as by volunteering)
- If you have Boy Scout tendencies - Trustworthy, Loyal, etc.
- If you ask for help, and listen to advice.  That is what we are here for.

If you DO this, then doors will open for you, that are invisible to most people. You'll receive extra helpings of advice and coaching.  You'll gain better friends in your life by BEING a better friend to others.

I'm currently training dozens of dominant males to take ownership of their Mastery and Sir status.  They will ALL need boys, slaves, submissives, eventually.

If you are the type of guy who wants to grow and learn, and support others in their growth, then you're the kind of submissive male that GETS THE SIR.

There is more advice later, but the ball is now in your court. Let's see if you can take the first steps that I recommend, and then you will find that more, really useful information gets unlocked for you...

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Upcoming Events

As always, check the FMSD monthly calendar-at-a-glance, which contains news about ALL known upcoming events.

Recent Articles


You really do want to read this - Eli and Aaron tell their stories.



The Biggest Gear Events in the History of the Eagle, Coming Soon


On Saturday, Feb. 2, at 9:30PM, there will be a massive, glorious gathering of men in gear at the Eagle. We are getting there early, to make sure that we will be in place to welcome the statewide gathering of the California B&B Corps after they complete their Formal Dinner.  I have assured these fine men that they will receive a uniquely San Diego-flavored welcome. I have promised them an ecstatic mob of joyful, diverse, warmhearted brothers in a Tribe that is on a rocketship headed for the stars together! Leather/fetish gear is just a frame for the picture within. Let's show them that our insides are just as wonderful as the outsides!
Two weeks later:

On Saturday, February 16th, we will be coming together again in MASSIVE numbers for the Mr. San Diego Eagle 2013 Contest. It will be at Queen Bee's, which is a public meeting-hall exactly one block north of the Eagle.

This photo from a previous contest shows the interior of Queen Bee's.

A whole team of us are warmly inviting our brothers to run for the title. If you have even the slightest interest, please contact me at papatony @mac.com for complete, all-encompassing support that will cover preparation, deeply expert coaching, a whole team of helpers, and ongoing support AFTER the contest, however it goes for you. Men of excellent character have great value for all of us, whether they have a title-vest or not. More details as they come in.

LA Leather Pride 2013: March 17-24

I wasn't pleased with last year's LA Leather Pride for 2012. I felt as though the original intent had gone off of the tracks. I fretted that there was no place for our younger brothers to gain a foothold. I missed that sweet, brotherly vibe that we can so easily take for granted in San Diego.

I'm quite optimistic that things are better this time around.  The team is different (I know a few of them), and they are getting back to basics. This a great improvement, and I plan to show my support:

LOS ANGELES LEATHER PRIDE 2013, March 17-24.
TRADITION: LOOKING BACK…MOVING FOWARD


Upcoming Events

Wednesday the 9th: 7PM - Tonight's Men's Discussion topic: "What are the things that I am most proud of in my life?" In the last month, the men who came together to share their deepest feelings in a safe, accepting environment have been able to share their darker sides. The ones who took the biggest risks came away with a feeling of relief, and were rewarded with new offers of friendship from men who shared their experience. Now, instead of being all heavy, we get to share what makes us joyful, and what we can finally acknowledge about ourselves, among friends who want to know us better.

Thursday the 10th: This is where the kink gets kinkier. There is a team of heavy-duty players who will be the featured guests at the Eagle during Red Hankies Night. I will be one of the team of brothers who have extensive experience with flogging, and we will each be allowing our inner Beast to walk the street all night long. If this intrigues you, then DON'T BE SHY.  Each of us can handle the most timid of beginners, or the hardest of hardcore. If you have ever wanted to be joyfully, supportively and thoroughly endorphinated without pain, then you cannot possibly find a better, safer or more affectionate way to find out more.

Friday the 11th: The HARNESS Party is here again, and I can't WAIT. When I show up, I feel like I am soaking in a brotherly culture of men who all want to find reasons to like each other. This monthly event is turning out to be a very accurate way to judge the overall health of our Tribe. It's social in the extreme… Not just a crowd of isolated, lonely individuals.  I wrote this recent review, and I MEANT every word. I predict that this one will be a big old swarming mess of fun, now that the holiday season is over, given that last week's BearDance at the same location had a line outside that reached the front door of the Crypt at the far end of the block!

Saturday the 12th: I will be out in the park, practicing my single-tail whip skills with a crowd of very friendly, fine folks who are dedicated to supporting each other. What fun!

Running For A Title: What's The Payoff?

During the course of a year, we have two men's titleholder contests in San Diego aimed at identifying, supporting and encouraging new community leaders and volunteers. The Mr. San Diego Eagle contest is always on the third Saturday in February.  At the moment, the Mr. San Diego Leather Contest is in flux. We will know more as time goes by.



Last year, I made a request that we come together to show our loving support of the five young men who were running for the title of Mr. San Diego Eagle. As I had predicted beforehand, the turnout was the biggest in history of the Eagle, with a line out front. Best of all, it was a respectful, supportive and kindly gathering of grownups:

I want to explain what is actually happening in this photo.  The men in the crowd are practically leaning over the judges in their desire to show loving support. When it came time for everybody to be quiet, the place went DEAD SILENT, because we truly wanted to hear what our brothers had to say.

I was so overwhelmed with joy, I wrote this article and then this article.

So - what if YOU have been considering running for a title. 
What is it about, and why should you bother?

Think of a diving-board, but with a difference. Instead of going downward, you shift upward to a new, much more powerful, effective and life-affirming phase, and NEVER GO BACK again. An ethical, effective titleholder contest isn't a pageant, or merely a way for a bar to sell extra beer that night. Those used to be true, but when so many of us died in the 1980's, titleholder contests became the only effective way to invite somebody, ANYBODY to please step up and help a suffering community.

In the years since then, the focus has changed.

In San Diego's current phase, we are 100% about encouraging new stars to rise among us, and to be loved for it. Really. When we see a young man reach his fullest potential and then KEEP improving, it's a cause for joy for everybody who is paying attention, and there are a LOT of us. We have no interest in working a man until he collapses, and then yelling "NEXT!" There are no strings attached.

I asked Eli (Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012) and Aaron (Mr. San Diego Leather 2012) to tell their truth, without any desire to "pretty things up".  I asked them to share how their lives have changed in the time since they won their titles:

Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012, Eli:



As my title year of Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012 comes closer to the end, I look back at where I started, and where I am now. This experience has taught me so much about myself and the San Diego Community which I love.

One of the many benefits of this title was the ability to host events. This helped me become even more confident in myself and also see the support this community offered. I grew more comfortable using the microphone with each event and found the audience respecting the words coming from my mouth.

Upon winning the title I set forth to make a difference within the leather community by thinking outside the box and pushing my limits. I desired to go above and beyond the past title holders that I would follow. The community was watching to see what I was made of and I proved I was up for the challenge.

This specific title gives individuals the chance to mature and prepare for future endeavors such as Mr. San Diego Leather. The only task you are required to host is the monthly underwear contest, which is a great way to learn how to control the crowds and to speak publicly. This event brings a great crowd and is meant to be fun. Don’t be afraid to add some personal flavor and variety.

The beauty of this title is your ability to suggest ideas to the owner of the Eagle, and you can also volunteer for more to show initiative. This allows you to learn more and show the community you are serious. Of course with our busy everyday lives, some can’t afford this leisure and that's understandable.

The only thing I would lay caution to, is to say don't let yourself get wrapped in the drama of others. Stay focused on what you desire to accomplish and make it so. Make sure to utilize those in the community with experience, and are willing to help.

This community needs more young kinky men to step up and lead us into the future. It’s a great feeling when you travel to see other leather men and women who know your name or have heard of the things you’ve done. It brings honor to the title and your city. Remember a title is what you make it and should be amazing experience.

I have met some of the best people because of the title and even just being out speaking about events. It’s one of the best feelings to see your event come together after all the hard work, but keep in mind things can go wrong, so remember to keep your cool and learn from the experience. Thanks to everyone who has helped me grow in this year. I will forever be grateful for this once in a lifetime experience.

Eli Correa
Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012

Mr. San Diego Leather 2012, Aaron:


One year ago, I moved to San Diego, and nothing has changed, except my entire life. Many people ask me what my favorite part of San Diego is. I always reply that it is the people.

Since being honored with the title Mr San Diego Leather 2012, there have been many wonderful changes in my life. People in the leather community (as well as the greater LGBT community and heterosexual communities) have welcomed me with open arms.

My biggest fear was that I would have to do everything alone. That has not been the case. Any time I am coordinating an event, whether it is educational, social, or fundraising, there are always eager volunteers invested in the success of these events. There is a built-in support network if you just reach out and ask.

We have a wonderful community of small business owners who graciously support me in my fundraising endeavors. I make sure that all donations are promoted as a wonderful gesture of support for our community.

Marketing for events is coming from all directions. Fetish Men San Diego's weekly newsletter, Facebook, and pre-established Yahoo Groups with thousands of members make sure your events are broadcast to members of the community that want to see you succeed.

I have been fortunate to travel to many of the big events throughout the country.  Although they are fun, my favorite part is the one-on-one conversations with people from around the country.  It is nice to get to know people on a more intimate level.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I travel extensively for work.  I have used this opportunity to forge relationship with other titleholders in other cities.  I have been taken to dinner, taken to local leather events, and enjoyed their company over cigars.

I have been an ambassador not only in the Leather Community, but the larger LGBT community as well.  I have spoken at the Hillcrest Youth Center and participated on a panel in a psychology class at a local university.  In addition, I have had coffee with many people interested in learning about the leather community and getting involved.

I have used my time to mentor a few people as well. I have not had any expectations or preconceived notions of my title year.  I have just been open to possibilities and seizing opportunities as they present themselves to me.


What To Think About All Of This?


In our normal, day-to-day lives, we don't usually get challenged to rise above our past limitations, fears and considerations. In fact, the general agreement in our culture is that we should all do the minimum to get by, and that's just dandy.


What if, instead, huge crowds of older men show up at events just for YOU, to specifically and intentionally express their loving support and admiration for your excellent good character?


What if your simple, heartfelt request for support brings out a crowd of true friends every time, instead of the usual flakes blowing you off?


What if your circle of true, stable, honorable, lovable and respected lifelong friends gets MASSIVELY bigger?


What if your life transforms for the better, and you discover what kind of admirable man you were always meant to be, but never had the chance to express?


What if you need money to travel on behalf of the San Diego community, and you are broke, and people that you have never met before, show up to contribute?


What if high-end photographers contact you throughout the year, seeking to get together, with the intent of showing you at your very best, in your prime of life, for free?


What if you decide to host a fundraiser for charity, and everybody shows up?


What if you can just get together with a few other guys for a casual chat, and everything SHIFTS in your direction as a result, so that your plans always succeed?

Every one of these things (and many, many more) have happened in the last year. I can't imagine any reason why things won't be even better in the years to come. This is the way that our community has grown.

If you have ever considered running for a title, you are the right man, at the right time, and in the right place.

Feel free to contact me at papatony @mac.com and receive complete support 7/24/365.