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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Orientation for New FMSD Members

I will be adapting this page as time goes by.

Welcome to FMSD (FetishMenSanDiego). You're in a unique position, and it's important that you be well-informed, so that you enjoy yourself (and your new brothers) as soon as possible:
• The name of this group is FetishMenSanDiego, but it could just as easily have been named WellSocializedGrownups, because that is our core constituency. 
• We don't have any support for you if you only want to PAR-TEE! Wrong group. Also, if hugging creeps you out, please keep moving along… You won't like our events.
• We're not trying to imitate any online cruising-sites. Those already exist. We want to bring people AWAY from those sites and work on our social, interpersonal skills, face to face. In non-virtual space.  
• We want to dance (often), and hug, and gather close because we like each other a lot. If that means that you get laid (or find a boyfriend) as a result, that's wonderful, but it's not crucial to our overall plans. We all know how to get laid. We all know what a dick looks like up close. That part is handled. What we need more than anything else is to feel loved, befriended, and intimate with our brothers in the Tribe without having to have it be a big fuckin' deal. Just casual, relaxed affection and respect, in a support-system that could last you for the rest of your life. 
• I recommend that you start by attending our Men's Discussions at 7PM. It's a great way to be in a non-bar, quiet space where we can share wisdom on various topics.  New guys tend to sit very quietly, absorbing the vibe in the room, and that's fine - Nobody pressures anybody. Then, the next time, the new guy gets more bold. We like that. Pretty soon, he's not a newbie any more, and he's feeling pretty sassy. We like that best of all. 
• We are a Tribe. This means that you can expect to be flooded with lots and lots of great opportunities for meeting like-minded men, but there is a cost: You have to be a really nice guy. We're a very, VERY social group, and Nice Guys are the guys who get the best goodies…  Anybody who is having a bad day will be given a Time Out. That has happened only once in the last two years.
• Our group is designed to help gay males find true, lifelong friends, lovers, Masters, subs, whatever. It doesn't happen passively though - you have to SHOW UP at our events. The more events that you attend, the more relaxed, happy and secure you'll feel.  
• We aren't interested in the usual crap - external appearance, age, color, body-style, experience-level, whatever. Don't expect us to care much about any of that. If you, personally, are a nice guy, then we'll like you just fine. We're all sick of being prejudged based on stooopid stuff that has nothing to do with who we really are, so let's all just give it up together.
• You will never be treated shabbily at any of our events. Ever. You won't be shunned, ignored or snubbed. You won't bounce off of our indifference. We don't do that. Instead, friendly guys will reach out and offer you opportunities to fit in. 
• It's perfectly okay to be shy. You don't have to be all loud and bold if you don't feel like it.  But, if you ever feel particularly passionate and full of life, we'll like that a lot, and encourage it.
• If you're looking to buy any gear (boots, harnesses, etc), I've created this recommendations page, and it is biased toward people on a budget.
If you have any questions, drop a line to papatony@ - I'm the creator of the group.  I'm easy to spot - I tend to be the tallest guy in the building.

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